025: truth sea-ker / sister, sister
Arns wonders how far we'll go to seek our truth through Disney's Moana. Nins reflects on sisterly love through "Marigolds" by Andrea Bejar.
referenced in this episode:
Disney's Moana (Disney+)
"Marigolds" by Andrea Bejar: Spotify and Official Music Video
"Tigre GEM: Global Emerging Musician, Andrea Bejar" by Camille Austin for Tigre Sounds
"Cancion dedicada a mi hermana y recuerdos especiales": Andrea Bejar's TikTok on dedicating "Marigolds" to her sister
0:00 - Intro
5:04 - Giveaway reminder
6:31 - Arns: Moana
29:21 - Nins: "Marigolds" by Andrea Bejar
55:18 - Outro
summary
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(00:00) hi I'm Angela Non I'm Ariana Kempis and this is brb [Music] crying hello everyone welcome back to brb crying I'm Ariana also known as Arns and I'm Angela also known as Nins and gosh darn it we cried again we just keep doing it we keep freaking crying like every week and then just like stumble on this couch MH it's so weird how we just I I show up here and you're here too like I'm here and then we have like stories to tell each other and they're always about why we're crying yeah yeah uncanny weird right just week after week so uh thank you for
(00:59) stumbling upon us as well hello hello welcome to our show where we unpack our feelings yeah because we're not afraid of them mm- they're good they're awesome they're incredible MH yeahh yeah if you're new here it's a comedy podcast yes we know the content is about crying but I mean we're just like really naturally funny so they it's so honestly what a burden my God so what's up my girl sick again I'm hearing a little bit of vocal strin I'm talking about my daughter no I know but I feel like for me yeah are you just
(01:48) like yelling out into the void my been sick for 3 weeks oh my God no I'm just also like not quite 100% because of her yeah but yeah she has a little skin in effect just throw a little lotion on it yeah you're right why haven't I thought of that um yeah so she's been home and I've been at home stuck with her so okay you know you pay for daycare an arm and a leg mhm and then the kid gets sick for 75% of the month yeah so you know hopefully this is the last time she ever gets sick ever in her life entire life yeah knock on wood
(02:29) yeah that's just it's just hope so so I'm okay I'm dealing with that cool cool how about you I'm okay can't complain okay been walking a lot outside today was the only sunny day and I couldn't even manage to squeeze a walk-in oh really I had therapy um but I I Did It Outdoors like I do it over Zoom okay outdoors with my legs like sticking out in the sun so I can at least get sunlight yeah yeah there you go it was pouring rain yesterday and I still really wanted to walk and so I like my apartment complex has a little gym and
(03:08) the treadmill faces these big windows so I was like you know I love that it was kind of a Vibe though cuz you know water was pouring out I felt like I was in a movie yeah no I love that that's an option for you mhm yeah I just walk around my house and I'm like okay it's really small so you know I'm just walking in circles so I'm glad you have that yeah yeah that's pretty much it okay it's been pretty lowkey love it but we love it we love lowkey we love lowkey my God I'm still tired from the holidays and it's been like two months I'm tired
(03:44) from I feel like the first 20 years of my life just being so filled with drama like I I don't know how to explain it I guess I've been thinking about this a lot lately you know just like kids and like feel big feelings of being a teenager and like it's been over 10 years but I'm just like when I think back on that time I'm [ __ ] exhausted like that was so tiring to like care so much about all those things and like have so many like big feelings that I didn't know what to do with didn't know how to process them didn't know how to
(04:14) like ground myself yeah I mean we're doing it now I'm making up for it now but yeah we're making up for it real bad right now overcompensating if you will yeah that's so funny for me to hear you describe your childhood as drama I thought you chill it was fine yeah it was yeah overall pretty chill in the moment the feelings are just so big when you're small you know like they are anytime SAA doesn't get her way she does this thing where she her face goes like and then like you say something funny and then she turns around and
(04:49) she's like laughing so you know she's [ __ ] faking it but like God it's like mhm again I should empathize with her it's hard being small yeah just throw a little lotion on it yeah yeah okay all right you seem like you are bursting with an announcement for us am I I am I think so yes beautiful Eden folks we got a giveaway going on this is our last week we're going to be drawing this week but we are giving away a BRB crying hat if you write us a review on Apple and you screenshot it and send it to us you can DM it to us or
(05:27) email us hello beb crying podcast.com and then on socials we are at beby crying. podcast if you screenshot that and send it to us we will enter you into a drawing to win a hat a very very cute hat incredibly cute so get that review in if you're still lagging like this is it you know we're we're drawing this week so and then uh you can check our socials at beby crying.
(05:55) podcast to see who the winner is it might be you it might be you and listen up even though this is going to be the end of our giveaway you can still write us reviews and tell us how much you love the Pod here we're not going to stop you we won't so yeah yeah all righty all right do we do this [ __ ] me up we'll see I might I might not I don't know I'm just going to do it I'm just going to read my little story [Music] let me spend 5 minutes unlocking the iPad all right today I'm going to talk about something that I actually like I really
(06:40) didn't want to talk about not to be dramatic about it but I just it almost feels like it's against my will that I'm talking about this okay I cried about this a few weeks ago but since that moment passed I haven't stopped thinking about it and that's because I'm forced to relive it every single day with my toddler and I'm just like oh my God like again oh my God every day multiple times a day do you have any guesses no I don't know I guess you don't pay attention to my life uh today I'm going to talk about Moana oh okay so [ __ ] I was supposed to
(07:21) remember that you're of course okay I'm not talking about Moana 2 which came out in November of 2024 uh but the first Moana mhm so I remember watching Moana in theaters when it came out almost 9 years ago now and I was like this pretty good you know I cried uh but I hadn't rewatched it since cuz in my memory I was like oh that was pretty good but not good enough to rewatch but but then SAA got sick you know as she's been and so we were like [ __ ] this we don't care about limiting her screen time first it was frozen like
(07:59) it was fun at first cuz it was the first movie that she actually like sat down and watched like in full yeah uh I mean I think we still to split into two parts but like she watched the whole thing and then like she was obsessed with the songs yeah yeah she hasn't seen a screen in whole life ever um but yeah it was like I mean it was fun like I love the music but then it became like a month of like Elsa please I know you're in there oh my [ ] god so we were like all right this [ ] needs to stop so I was like let's do Moana because I heard
(08:36) Moana too was a big crier so I've been really wanting to watch it but then I watched Moana 1 and I was sobbing all over the place so I was like okay okay so here I am talking about it I wanted to talk about something a little bit more like oh like yeah Indie like a smaller cooler but I'm talking about [ __ ] Disney here's the thing we cry about everything thank you everything and sometimes they are mainstream Disney movies mainstream is the word that's the perfect word yeah all right so some C context if you listener have not had the
(09:15) pleasure of experiencing Moana this is an animated film by Disney that premiered in 2016 and it's starring Ali Calo as the voice of Moana and Dwayne The Rock Johnson as Maui I'm doing the eyebrow thing if you can tell yeah beautiful um the music was written and composed by our dude Lin Mell Miranda who's that um he's just this guy from like Puerto Rico um and then also opaya fayi and then Mark Manina wrote the score or composed the score and many brown people such as myself were really excited to see Moana Premiere because it
(09:59) was like probably the one of the first times we've seen ourselves represented on screen in animated form by Disney and while Filipinos don't necessarily identify as Pacific Islanders because we reserve that term for the people that are indigenous to Polynesia Micronesia Melania we do share ancestral ties with them and so some of these islands include Samoa Tonga the mai in New Zealand Hawaii Fiji Guam and so there are literally thousands of small Islands in this region and there's been a lot of discourse around kind of
(10:37) the integrity and accuracy of lumping all of these cultures and countries together for the sake of this film but overall I think the general consensus is like this is still a huge step for Disney to do this in terms of representation and it's uh it's a source of Pride for a lot of Polynesians so so we'll leave it at that all right plot I don't really want to B her this because I feel like most people will have probably watched this and if they didn't want to watch it I don't know how to make them you I mean but who maybe you
(11:16) will maybe you will after this I don't know okay so I should spoiler alert I'm going to spoil a movie that's 9 years old but I'll keep it pretty high level so Moana hails from a Polynesian island called motunui and she is next in line to be the village Chief her entire life she's been drawn to the sea but she's been forbidden from sailing Beyond The Reef by her father who is the current Village Chief so her people on this island worship a goddess named teiti but Legend has it that a thousand years ago as a gift to the humans
(11:56) there's a demigod named Maui and he stole the goddess's heart literally you know he didn't like o fall in love with her like green glowing Stone uh and it was so treasured because it supposedly had the capacity to create life but then he was struck down by this monster named taka and then for the next a thousand years he was never to be seen again so back on moana's island the villagers are starting to panic because there are no fish the crop are suddenly dying and they're like dude we don't have food what are we going to
(12:35) do and Moana knows that the answer lies in sailing Beyond The Reef and finding Maui and then restoring the heart of teiti but her dad is still super adamant about her not going but her grandma matriarch of the family she calls herself The Village crazy lady reveals to her a secret and that is that their people descend from voyagers so Grandma shows Moana this hidden cave where the ships have been basically laying dormant for who knows how long probably hundreds of years and Moana takes this as a sign like oh I'm
(13:16) not crazy this call to the sea is in my blood but later that night her grandma has an accident and then she's basically like on her deathbed and she's on the brink of passing away and then she hands Moana this glowing green stone and it's the heart of teiti and she tells Moana to Journey Beyond The Reef despite her father's wishes despite the fact that they're all terrified about what lays Beyond and so she sails away to find Maui and then together they restore the heart so when did I cry many many times first of all the
(13:58) music uh I could do a whole episode on just the music it's so F I mean ly Manuel is a genius but it's the Polynesian music that really [ __ ] me up like when she walks into the water for the first time oh my God it's not the first time but like that scene with the wave is when the W is giving her okay so in that scene I guess I could talk about that scene the wave is that's the first time it gives Moana the heart of teiti mhm because it brings her in and it gives her The Rock and then she drops it but the grandma gets it and that's why the
(14:36) Grandma's been holding on to it that whole time but yeah that's the the music the music it's chilling it's chilling It's haunting you don't even have to necessarily know what it's about but by the way that song is called innocent Warrior um need I say more but even just the intro when like the [ __ ] the Disney Castle comes up it's no I swear to God it's called tulo tagaloa mhm it's the song that goes tulo oh yeah okay so in Sone I just had to write this down because it it's this is what it means respectfully calling the god of
(15:17) the sea so you can see our world so you can see my world so you can understand how beautiful and good so you can see our wonderful way of life huh huh the [ ] okay this is an aside but not too long after Moana premiered there was a video that popped up on YouTube and it was a group of basically like a children's choir I [ ] know you're talking you know what I'm talking about yes of course I had to look it up to make sure it was still on you know you know I need to download it just in case they ever take
(15:53) it down so it's called sainta performing art trust and they're these kids from New Zealand I went down a whole rabbit hole for maybe like one or two hours just like where are these kids now but so good I was wrecked oh my God these children they're like so pure and like to me that was what was so beautiful about Moana like oh these kid these are the kids who see themselves on the screen right right I'll link it in the show notes I want to watch it now pause recording um so yeah in short music incredible okay but when I watched it in
(16:32) 2016 I did cry uh for a couple different reasons it was I think one of the more standard obvious reasons like she says bye to her grandma who passes away and this Grandma's the only person who's ever accepted her her grandma comes back to her in the form of a spirit and helps her find her way and then the end scene spoiler alert when Moana is restoring the heart of teiti she doesn't yeah she does it dude no way and you find out which I was like when I was watching I was like this is like Dad on episode 7 the one I talked about in
(17:06) episode 22 where it was it was the same concept of like you realize that the goddess is just the monster just with this hardened exterior because she's forgotten who she is because of like the pain and the suffering all that cried cried you know but the scene I wanted to talk about today that I don't know if I cried back then the crab that steals all the jewelry sh please please I was wrecked no God the scene I wanted to talk about is when Maui and Moana are arguing they've just had their first confrontation with Tia the monster
(17:49) that's guarding teiti and Maui is pissed because he told Moana like we got to go back and she's being really stage like no we have to do this we have have to do this so they get into this whole fight his hook his magic hook basically broken and Maui back on the boat is insisting like without this hook I'm nothing and Moana says no you need to help me restore the heart of teiti you need to you know I'm Moana moui you must board my ship sail across the sea and restore the heart and she's basically saying the ocean chose me for
(18:25) this task I have to see it through this is why we have to do this and Maui is so over it so he tells her well the ocean CHS wrong and then he [ ] flies away really [ ] up but Moana is obviously really defeated and she begs the ocean to take the heart back and find someone else to do it and choose someone else to do it and the ocean reluctantly agrees takes it drops it to the bottom of the ocean floor and at this point Moana has you know she's reached Rock Bottom herself and her grandmother appears to her in spirit
(19:02) form and this is when the song I am Moana SL song of the ancestors place and by the end of the scene Moana has firmed her resolve and decides that she will in fact deliver the heart of deti so I'm going to play that whole scene for you it's like five minutes well I'm really glad that you're actually being as detailed with the summary because yeah I've seen it but I don't really remember it because I don't have a 2-year-old that's uhhuh watching this every day mhm mhm okay so you do that every day we listen to it on Spotify and
(19:41) whenever the song comes up I skip it okay I already described the whole scene I did that on purpose because I didn't want to describe it after so for the entire film I just played the scene for nins by the way and if you have Disney Plus or I guess if you're watching the film it starts around the 117 hour mark So for the entire film Moana is propelled by the fact that the ocean chose her to deliver the heart of teiti and that's what makes her special but after this confrontation with Maui she's shaken because For the First time
(20:21) she's questioning whether she's truly special and whether she was even worthy of being Chosen and so when her grandma visits her she asks Moana do you know who you are and in response Moana sings I Am the girl who loves my Island I'm the girl who loves the sea it calls me I am the daughter of the village Chief we are descended from voyagers who found their way across the world they call me I've delivered us to where we are I've journeyed farther I'm everything I've learned and more still it calls me and the call isn't out there
(21:02) at all it's inside me and then she dives into the ocean and she grabs the heart of teiti and in watching this again I realize that this is the first time Moana has sought the heart of teiti herself every other time she was tasked with delivering the heart of teiti it was someone else telling her to it was the ocean choosing her as a child and then her grandmother handing it to her on her deathbed so up until this point Moana thinks she's special only because someone else has told her she's special and that she's the chosen one but she
(21:40) doesn't actually believe it until this moment when she chooses herself and this is kind of just like how it goes you know we we grow up forming this idea of who we are based on what everyone else says we are you know we're told we're loud or shy or confrontational or we're passive or we're special or we're ordinary and the way we see ourselves is actually this amalgamation of what everyone else sees when they look at us but in order for us to heal and move forward we have to let go of these perceptions even if they're you know
(22:20) quote unquote good qualities because in the end all that really matters is how we perceive ourselves and what we know to be Our Truth when people don't choose us it's the worst feeling in the world when people do choose us it's the best feeling in the world but it's so volatile and the way people perceive us is more of a reflection on them than us so for that reason there's nothing as beautiful and Powerful as choosing yourself so on the surface I think Moana seems like it's a story about following your heart and your dreams no matter
(23:02) what other people say but I think it's so much more than that for me at least watching it again it's been about kind of questioning and dismantling your truth and then rebuilding it until it's this clear reflection of what's actually truly in your heart and only then we can we can begin to heal like this sounds kind of crazy but it's like kind of a model for healing intergenerational trauma like overcoming these limiting beliefs about yourself and then one of the most beautiful scenes I think is at the end when
(23:41) because Moana has been able to heal and choose herself she can fully come into this Identity or this role as like this wayfinder and because of that her entire Island can begin sailing again and so they like all set off on the sea and kids are playing and like feeling the water and there are so many generations who lost that because of the pain and the suffering and all these other like attachments and things like that but it was just wow like just because she chose to to heal that she could open it up for everyone else yeah they they're
(24:20) experiencing life and this whole world differently 2016 this came out oh that was like my Peak dumb bit era so I probably didn't dwell on that I was crying so hard when I watched this a couple weeks ago cuz I was like I was like you know we've been talking recently about how interesting it is to re-watch or re-experience something and to experience it entirely differently because of where you are at in your life and I was seeing in this movie like what I'm experiencing in my own life right like that decision
(25:00) to let go of good or bad you know these things that I hold on to so tightly about who I think I am and like like I was doing one of those limiting belief practices mhm that I know we had talked about MH and I was like oh I have so many which one do I choose and this is the one that I happen to land on like I only see myself as good or you know whatever else in Rel to you know how others see me and obviously it's so much easier said than done M to let go of how people see you but like I asked myself like what would
(25:41) I say about myself if I got rid of all those identifiers right how do I see my like is the one thing that I know to be true about myself that I'm smart and like you know like well my report card sells right here exactly and I realized like oh I think that the most important thing to me about myself is that I strive to be this walking embodiment of love like period that's it everything else is just just a fraction of who I am it's such a journey to even figure out who you are let alone only see yourself in that way mhm and I
(26:25) think that's something that you and I are really really prioritizing right now is just learning how to listen to ourself versus feeling pressured to do this or that because someone says so mhm I mean there were a lot of things that hit me on that I mean yes this active decision of like I can decide my destiny MH but also just like honoring our ancestors ERS in that way and everything that has been done to bring you into this world mhm like yes you are amalgamation of that but that's not all you are mhm it was like a
(27:14) beautiful way to pay tribute to that mhm then also Forge your own path I've delivered us to where we are and I've journeyed further yeah the call isn't out there do it's inside me the [ __ ] you know it may be mainstream but Disney you got me again yeah you know I feel like we cry so much more because we are purposely choosing to not hold it in anymore like I remember watching this in 2016 I think I was with Lou and like his siblings like I'm pretty sure he brought like wine into the theater don't tell anyone and like I'm sure I was so
(28:01) embarrassed to you know hell fast like trying to wipe the tear away like you know but it's like we're just we're just letting that [ __ ] roll through you know I'm thinking about after Wicked when I was just thinking about me watching Wicked this year I sat there and like everyone started walking away and I was like openly sobbing and I was like how could what else is 10 minutes I could I couldn't move I was immobilized no like the last 10 minutes of the movie it was just a free flowing like it was just open weeping you know
(28:40) doesn't it feel so good though to just like to welcome that yeah yeah I mean like I had my sister-in-law on my other side hi amethy this and it was just like a yeah there's no shame anymore I'm going to [ ] cry I'm pretty sure she was crying too and it was like a let's just create this safe space for us to [ ] cry during movies yeah yeah imagine being on your deathbed like I wish I didn't cry and those people like I feel like I just need to reframe my whole life that way like am I going to be regretting this on my deathbed if not
(29:15) then [ ] it all right what you got for me okay I'm a little nervous oh because when I was putting this story together yesterday it was like a level nine cry oh um okay okay okay so you know how the world sucks ass mm like just as a gross generalization we are in [ ] times so recently I've been taking an active effort to immerse myself in things that bring me peace as we all should MH and one of those things that I've found myself particularly drawn to as of late is slow calming music okay and
(30:24) don't get me wrong I'm still going to blast the black pink when I'm on the elliptical but for the most part I've been listening to a lot of acoustic mellow type [ __ ] okay you know yeah so since my entire life has been algorithmization okay and I will be talking about one such song today and that song is Mary Gold's by Andrea Bahar I don't know it well you will so sources for today is a 2024 interview Andrea Bahar did with tiger sounds and then a video on her Tik Tok account oh okay so Andrea Bahar is a singer songwriter whose
(31:23) sound is what I could only describe as this beautiful blend of modern Indie pop mixed with traditional Mexican folk ballads oh it is stunning it is so sweet and like it's like pretty it's just pretty music okay okay I can't wait for you to hear it um but she was born in Mexico and even though she primarily grew up in Miami she says that she feels such a strong connection to Mexico I think Mexico City is where she was born but she feels such a strong connection to Mexico and her Mexican culture and that is where she feels the most grounded and
(32:19) inspired so a lot of her songs are a mixture of English and Spanish MH me who took French in high school here for the Vibes here for the vibes okay but in this interview she did with tiger sounds she says I want my music to connect with people on a personal level no matter their background it's about creating something authentic that speaks to the soul exactly what you said about the beginning of Moana you don't need to know I mean it hurts more when you Google translate but sometimes you don't need to to know what the lyrics are you
(33:00) just feel it in your soul mhm I [ ] felt it in my soul in this [ ] song I'm about to discuss and I'm going to switch it up here and actually reveal the meaning of the song Oh first okay before I play it for you which I know you hate but I don't I do not I love a I love context for a song yeah and the reason I'm doing that is because it's not really obvious what the song is about okay it took me many listens to even like form a theory and I did get it right but I wasn't able to like fully confirm that until she posted a Tik Tok of her
(33:41) talking about what the song is okay so this song again it's called molds is about missing her sister but more specifically missing growing up with her sister her sister is very much alive she's not dead um but they're like best friends mhm sorry if that was came off as tragic but we're going to we're going to [ __ ] get into this song okay and I will really dig into these lyrics but before I play it for you just to quote that Tik Tok where she's talking about it she said says I had just moved to LA I moved away from my sister and I was
(34:34) missing her a lot so I decided to write a song about her I was just thinking about all of the things that I'll never be able to get to do with my sister again there's just so many moments that I realized that I would never get back and that made me so sad so I wrote a song about it okay I'm going to play it so I just played that song for arms and I'm a [ __ ] wreck which is weird because I'm the type of person that when I discover my next favorite song I will literally listen to it on repeat for days weeks like I will just play Replay replay
(35:25) replay and that's L what I did to this song and it is so like the sound of the song is so beautiful and ethereal and again the message isn't really very clear it's not very obvious what she's singing about and so I was purely just vibing to it and when I saw the Tik to explaining it I was like oh okay yeah I knew it oh okay and then my brain started kind of turning and I I was like oh that's that's so sweet that she's singing about her sister and I thought okay I think that would be a good story for me to share on the podcast M and
(36:08) then when I sat down to write it it was like it was like the floodgates had opened and I just I literally I could not stop crying I like didn't listen to it very much today because I was like dude I literally cannot stop crying just thinking about this yeah so we're we're going to get into these [ __ ] lyrics okay so verse one is you stood by the doorway in an overused t-shirt asking me questions about my day to forget about yours now I see you less often and we don't speak much either 15 years spent in the same place but I
(37:02) wanted more I'm already [ __ ] up like because this verse just speaks so simply about what it's like growing up and living with your sister you spend so many nights just chilling in your room and then she comes in and wearing her ugly house clothes just talking to you about nothing and you're just existing together growing up together it just brought back so many memories of me and my sister so I have an older sister Christine and she is 7 years older than me and I don't think it needs to be said but she's obviously one of the people I
(38:00) love most in this universe and like I just I really feel like the bond between two sisters is something that is so sacred blue my husband will tell me all the time that whenever he's around me and my sister he's like you guys are in your own world like we're speaking our own language it's just us two and growing up I basically copied everything she did and because there was such a big age Gap I annoyed her I think for a lot of my childhood but of course as the eldest daughter she had way more patience than me and just kind of like
(38:55) tolerated me I like I don't ever remember her kicking me out of her room like she just let me chill as long as I wanted to never told me to [ __ ] off which she must have wanted to several times when you were nine and she was 16 yeah yeah but she didn't she just let me hang out and it wasn't until I was like maybe Elish when we really started becoming super super close I think I was finally old enough to relate to her and like this is a core memory for me where I remember so vividly like like the first time I genuinely
(39:45) made her laugh out loud and I was so proud of myself yeah and I was like oh my God I made my older sister laugh like I must be really funny like that must have been a really good joke to make her laugh because I just thought she was the golden standard you know and I always considered that a turning point in my childhood because then it felt like every day living with her was like living with your best friend and the last lines of this verse are 15 years spent in the same place but I wanted more I think I was actually 17
(40:28) when my sister moved out she lived at home while she went to college and I'm just so grateful for those extra years that we got to spend together but when she finally left home of course I was you know really excited for her and I knew that it's not like I would never see her again but I think every younger sibling has this memory of walking into your older room right after they move out and just feeling this emptiness because you know that things were never going to be quite as they were anymore okay chorus so the chorus is buried in the
(41:18) fields under the marold LA FL de laa liar Footprints marked beneath the dirt Gua r we'd pick fruit from the lemon trees or cut off the branches Set Fire to the Earth if you would have told me it'd be the last time I'd have carried its worth so the marold flower is a very important symbol in Mexican culture it is a key part of Dia deos muos and the FL flowers bright colors and strong scent are meant to guide Spirits back to their fames and in this tick Tok that I mentioned earlier Andrea talks about how when she and her sister were younger
(42:16) they spent so many summers in their home in Mexico picking fruit from the trees in their backyard and the chorus ends with her basically saying if if I'd have known that there was a last time that we'd be doing this I probably would have treasured it even more in the moment again obviously [ __ ] me up because there are so many times when you don't realize that it's the last time and I mean for my entire life I will always be close to my sister I will never not love her or not be connected to her but it's true that our relationship
(43:02) has evolved because we individually have evolved We're Not Kids anymore and we're grown up and yes we still see each other regularly I talk to her constantly but our rooms aren't across the hallway anymore we have husbands she has kids I have a podcast and a cat and a cat but yeah our lives are just not as entwined as they were and this song just opened up this well inside me because I didn't even realize like how desperately I missed it being young and looking up to her and feeling like it was just us to just being girls
(44:01) together verse two you drew the line on your side of the bedroom told me with your eyes the darker it gets the more i' cross now I stare at the ceiling in a brand new apartment trying to remember where the sheets painted green or some type of scarlet and then it goes back to the Cor and I'll just I'll just read the bridge as well that sooner or later the colors are fading I hate that they're slipping away with each night telling dad's jokes but the punchline keeps changing I'm scared of the day that they're gone from our
(44:47) minds so in this verse you get this image of Two Sisters sharing a room and you have that classic Trope where you know they probably fought and they said you can't cross this line This is my side and then she says the darker it gets the more I'd cross and it's just I just see this image of a girl sneaking onto her sister's side of the room and instead of getting mad that sister just probably opens up the covers and lets her crawl in because there was a point in my life you know before the husband before the boy
(45:35) friends where when things got dark that was who I'd go to that was my person and she still is but in a different way now and this verse ends with coming back to the present where Andrea is in her new apartment thinking about this memory and struggling to remember all the details of it and she realizes that she forgot what color the sheets were the bridge is in the same vein where memories are dimmer and she can't quite exactly remember all of it anymore but let me just repeat the first lines of the chorus again buried in the fields under the
(46:25) molds La FL DEA which means the Flower of Life Li Footprints marked beneath the dirt guos which means to keep memories I know there are times in our lives that we wish so desperately we could go back to and it's heartbreaking because when we miss something that we no longer have all that's left is the memory of it it and what do we do when those memories start to slip through our fingers I don't really know I think maybe we can just accept that life is a continuous change and that we will always be evolving and growing and the people will always come
(47:22) back to us often times in different ways I look at my sister and I'm just so proud to even know her let alone all of these versions of her throughout her life today she is the best mom but before that she was just mine and I was just hers and we're still those things to each other sisters forever but it means something a little different now and that's okay even if you're listening to this and you're like oh but I don't have a sister I would bet that there are people in your life whose relationship with you looks a little bit different now that
(48:25) life has taken its course and maybe as much as I grieve this time in my life that I will never experience again I shout to the universe how grateful I am to have something like this to miss so desperately may we all be so lucky right before I came here when we recorded this I don't remember how we got on this topic but me and Joie were talking about it came up that I used to follow my sister around everywhere but it's interesting because the way I was talking about it it was laced with bitterness I was talking about how I
(49:15) used to have to follow her around and like hang out with her friends and do all these things and and how you know even though we weren't never really intersecting at school because of our our 4year age Gap we're never in high school at the same time or in college at the same time I was still always Alexa's little sister my whole life even when I would step into these spaces where no one knew me they they saw someone else in me and I I never even like really got to form my own first impression because my first impression was her right
(49:57) and when we left that conversation I was a little bit like the way we ended it was like man that kind of sucks blah blah blah but I mean I I think it's so wild that you know you came here and talked about this because I was remembering one part of it which was the younger me who was just like oh I want to be my own person separate from her I want to forge my own path separate from her but the there's the other side of it where I would not have had it any other way I would not have had anyone else in my life to be seen as a little version of
(50:40) you know like if at one point it made me annoyed or whatever now it's like oh my God I'm just I I couldn't be prouder to be a reflection of of her when I talk about those times about following her around I'm saying like yeah it was so annoying you know but but she let me you know like and I'm sure that I'm sure they're listening to this and they're like they're going to bring such a different perspective to it because they were the older sisters and we were the younger sisters and I feel like we were just like reaping all the benefits and
(51:26) they probably look at us like practice children yeah I mean I know that all siblings like there's moments of annoyance and there's moments of like oh my God just leave me alone and like stop borrowing my clothes and you know all of that [ __ ] but it's like it's like just the moments where you're not doing anything and you're just you're just there together I just I miss that so much I just think about how when you forge your own path your priorities shift your daytoday worries will look different and the way that you decompress will look
(52:14) different and I just I just miss doing that with her and maybe it's also like just me missing childhood as well I mean because she was so so intertwined in that like so many of my childhood memories she's in it because she's my sister you know like I just didn't even realize that I was feeling that way or like that that longing was even in me yeah I'm grateful that you brought that here today because I didn't either even two hours ago right there's no one who will know you the way your sister know knows you mm- it's different it's so different
(53:02) there's just something about two sisters and again I know that not everyone has a sister but I just really wanted to talk about just like knowing that relationships change and yeah you can accept it but you can still miss it too yeah both can be true yeah so Christine Alexa shout out shout the [ __ ] out whoa I was crying so hard you know like when you cry so hard you're tired after you like want to fall asleep go I like fell asleep you like don't show up here I don't know where are you like laptop on my face like just drooling oh my God
(53:58) so yeah um Andrea Bahar oo I loved the little the like the Spanish guitar in between oh my God and her other songs are just as gorgeous they're just so like again pretty it's just pretty it's just pretty beautiful yeah so yeah highly recommend her highly recommend sisters that's our show that's our show super funny right it's hilarious it's a riot thank our sisters for our sense of humor yeah you were always so funny and I always was like oh that's Christine like I cuz I cuz I was I grew up around her too right and I saw
(54:40) that like you totally just adopted her sense of humor and like yeah like you were both always so sharp with your humor or just like even the way that she spoke because there would be so many times where I would meet her friends yeah and they'd be like oh my God you sound just like her yeah just like the way that you deliver words the way that you say things the intonation I still get that people still think we sound exact like me and my sister sound exactly the same too mhm yeah it will probably be like that for
(55:11) the rest of my life yeah love that love it if I was bitter about it 2 hours ago I'm grateful for it now all right everyone Thanks for tuning in you know it's funny cuz we didn't necessarily have alignment on topics but you still oh connected connect I mean my God like that was so on point for like oh just like what happened in your life what happened in my life right before this and then you like wow that was you really were talking about it today I'm not exaggerating right before that was the last conversation I had before I
(55:46) drove here whoa that's crazy no I know yes that's what I'm saying so this is a show where we are two psychics and we just talk about things that we know the other person will relate to yeah 100% um yeah thanks for tuning in we really appreciate you being here with us we're grateful that you lend us your ear and we are grateful if you are able to take away anything from this at all so it better be that we're really funny yeah that's what I was going to say next yeah follow us on socials crying.
(56:27) podcast we have a newsletter you can sign up through socials we got a substack send us any soab stories or recommendations for cry material you can DM us email us hit us up on our website we have a form there be crying podcast.com and enter our giveaway for a hat that's all that's it an hour later that's all we got that's all we got we are going to go rest our weary little eyes they've been crying a lot lots of crying today lots of crying today that's so unlike us yeah weird okay but yeah we're going to go away and
(57:07) then we will come back mhm dry eyed ready to do it again I'm ready to do it all again but until then brb crying [Music]
Until next time…brb crying :’)