024: what the hell / stay golde(n)
Nins holds onto hope through her reading of A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck. Arns savors small miracles as inspired by Trinity Mouzon Wofford of superfood brand Golde.
referenced in this episode:
A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck
Superfood wellness brand Golde
Mother Magazine feature on Trinity Mouzon Wofford of Golde
'This Is A Very Strange Time To Be A Black-Owned Business' on HuffPost, as told by Trinity Mouzon Wofford to Janna Mandell
The Bride Wore a $200 Vintage Lace Dress and No Makeup for Her Upstate Farm Wedding: Vogue feature on Trinity Mouzon Wofford's wedding by Elise Taylor
Birth story post on Trinity Mouzon Wofford's Instagram
0:00 - Intro
6:16 - Nins: A Short Stay in Hell
27:53 - Arns: Trinity Mouzon from Golde
51:27 - Outro
summary
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(00:00) hi I'm Angela Non I'm Ariana Kempis and this is brb [Music] crying hello everyone welcome back to BRB crying I'm Ariana also known as Arns and I'm Angela also known as Nins and we are back we're back with another round of cry Chronicles oh you like that one you thought about that one before H that one was in the shower yeah I thought about that one in the shower um but yeah we are here today to discuss once again something that has made us cry mhm and we're going to keep doing this over and over and over again yep until we finally
(00:58) convince you that crying is pretty great I thought you were going to say we're going to keep doing this over and over and over again until our next break like after until like we hit 10 episodes and then we're going to stop and then we're going to take a break and then we're going to go back you know I didn't want to get into like the particulars Logistics cuz we will be back after the break over and over and over again because we still got some convincing to do yes for other people you're right you're right until every last [ __ ]
(01:27) soul on Earth is like crying honestly yeah that's you I think that's the goal mhm realistic realistic yeah yeah yeah what's up um I'm a little sick sick sick yeah yeah it's not been good okay just like don't breathe near me okay should I wear a mask while we record oh my God can you imagine I could I could um yeah I'm a little sick but I'm on the menend that's good aren't we all in some way or or form again that's the goal you know I mean healing in many ways MH mhm thank you for taking it literally yeah yeah you know I just want
(02:07) to be an example for everyone that's why I'm here um how are you I am good I feel like my schedule has been non-stop yeah I'm just so busy like I'm just it must be so hard I'm in high demand so um I'm really looking forward to this weekend because I feel like I'll finally have a day where I can not do [ ] mhm it's been a long time since I've been able to not do [ ] so we're looking forward to it but you know we're energized we're here ready to talk your ear off yeah beautiful yeah um I just have like one little announcement and then I
(02:46) guess we can [ __ ] get into it what's your announcement well if this is your first time listening welcome hello and we're doing a giveaway so leave us a review on Apple we were just informed formed you can't really leave a review on Spotify you can rate US five stars you should rate US five stars actually if you rate US five stars on Spotify and you give us a five star rating on Apple with a written review you will be entered twice into our giveaway to win a BRB crying hat oh my God the BRB crying hat yeah oh my God that really cute hat that
(03:20) like actually should I pull should I [ ] pull it out I mean maybe I will you know like give the people what they want yeah never mind I don't have it um but it's really cute it's so [ ] cute it is I haven't seen it look bad on anyone it looks so good on everyone kind of like imagine the jeans in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I knew you were going there and I'm so glad you did it's a hat that looks good on everyone except we're not sharing it we're not passing it around listen if you write us a review and you win then
(03:53) you can see it and you win and you win yeah um God it's such a good hat it's a great hat I wear it all the time I do too I do too yeah a lot of people are always like oh my gosh people always stop me and ask me about it you know what I hear that all the time too that people will come up to them and say oh my God where'd you get your hat it's never happened to me that's probably you thing every time I walk into Trader Joe's I'm like who's going to you see that cool cool right hasn't happened yet oh that's funny cuz it did
(04:30) happen to me at Trader Joe's I'm sure it like of all places where it would happen to me it would be a Trader Joe's and yet my RBF I think is just too I was going to say maybe which isn't a bad thing by by the way can we like no can we like talk about this cuz I was thinking about this on the car on the way here people used to give me [ ] my entire childhood for just having an RBF but I'm like sorry I'm not a fake [ ] Smiler what that's just me and so I felt like bad about it but maybe we just need to Rebrand RBF yeah I think you're right
(05:02) the terminology itself yeah the phrase itself is a little you don't know what it means it's a resting [ __ ] face it means you have this flat affect and you don't smile which is like again why are we demonizing that sorry it's just the term affect people are like I've never heard that let's make it more okay it's when you don't smile you look unfriendly you look unfriendly when your face is at its neutral position which is like why should my resting face be smiling that is so much energy yeah that makes me so
(05:36) mad no I don't like that I don't like that so great that you have an RBF but yeah maybe when you wear the hat you can just like smile I think that's the complete antithesis of what you were trying to say but sure I meant if you want to be approached yeah here's the thing you got to chillz a little bit to get into my heart sorry and that's fine God okay anyway anyway anyway giveaway um enter to win by giving us a review on Apple yeah okay bye bye see you [Music] later do you want to start hell yeah ooh that's interesting that I started it off
(06:22) by saying Hell yeah what so I'm going to start us off with just a quick question love it off the top of your head what is one thing that you would find in your own personal hell which I know is hard so I can start off and then can get your the juices yeah the juices blowing one thing in my own personal hell would be my feet constantly cold and there are no socks or slippers interesting mhm oh my gosh the possibilities are endless I know I also put it would be me perpetually running on a treadmill and then every time I look down at the time
(07:11) it shows that I've only been running for 2 minutes oh interesting yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah my own personal hell it would be really cold the AC would be running okay and it would be like cold outside and cold inside and I'm wearing like a [ __ ] tank top like I I hate right yeah okay all right well today I'm going to be talking about a book called a short stay in Hell by Steven elek okay it's actually more like a Nolla it's like 100 Pages you can literally get through it in a day okay but yeah today I'm going to be talking about this
(07:51) book but I think you'll gather pretty quickly that I'm really talking about something else you'll see but a short stay in Hell by Steven elpek was published in 2009 and is categorized as a fantasy fiction I feel like fantasy is the entirely wrong word okay hellish fiction okay okay it's very existential and is one of those books that you finish it and you kind of just stare at the ceiling a little bit a little [ __ ] up yeah you know what I mean I know it so obviously spoiler warning for the book but even if you get a gist of what I'm
(08:40) going to say about the plot here I still think it's really really good Lou read it first actually and he finished it in a day and like that whole day I was like Hey li like blah blah blah blah blah and he's like I'm trying to I really want to finish this book like it's really good he's been reading a lot he's been reading a lot I noticed it he's an academic so anyway this is the story about a man named saurin Johansson and he is this faithful Mormon who tragically dies in his 40s from some terminal illness and as a Mormon he thinks he's
(09:21) heading through the pearly white Gates of your classic Christian version of heaven and much to Chagrin he realizes that he's actually headed for hell because he is not a practicing follower of the one true Faith Zoroastrianism mhm apparently this is like a real religion that originated in like Central Asia I didn't look yeah too much into this but for the sake of the story everyone who is not a Zoro asianist is automatically casted into hell okay see you there but unlike the traditional Christian version of Hell depicting
(10:07) Everlasting darkness and Perpetual suffering hell is a place we only stay in temporarily and getting assigned to a hell is almost like going through the DMV so you have this demon like going over your paperwork and then depending on your interests or what kind of life you live LED you are assigned to a different type of hell and in sain's case our main character who enjoyed reading his hell is actually a vast Library oh and you're like wait but I love books yeah [ __ ] hold on let me tell you a little bit more about this
(10:49) [ __ ] Library so this is actually the library of Babel which is based on another story written by Jorge Luis bores and this Library contains every single book that could ever be written with the English alphabet quote imagine a library that contains not just every book that has been written but every book that could be written so each book is 410 pages long with 40 lines of 80 characters on each page and 95 possible characters based on the standard keyboard so alphabet uppercase lowercase numbers 0-9 all the symbols quote so somewhere in here is a
(11:44) book of all A's a book of all periods or a book of semicolons or B's any letter there's a book that alternates A's and Bs for its entire length but most books are just a random collection of symbols so it's a bit of a math game to figure out how many books are in this library but let's just say it's it's a [ ] ton okay you want me to pull up the exact number of books yeah the number of possible books is 95 to the power of 1, 312,000 my God so a [ ] ton so a [ __ ] ton okay so what does saurin have to do
(12:29) to get out of this temporary hell he has to find the book that contains the story of his life and saor isn't the only one wandering through this Library there are thousands of people who are kind of scattered throughout these endless rows and floors of this Library containing book after book after book also trying to find the also trying to find their book MH I don't want to get too hung up on the logistics of the library and all of its rules all you need to know is that basically every book they open is essentially
(13:07) nonsense as if someone had just smashed the keyboard for 400 plus Pages it doesn't really make any sense there's barely words it'll take them years to just find a book that even contains a sentence I'm stressed so pretty soon saurin realizes that finding a book that contains real words let alone the story of his life is not going to be easy it will seem almost impossible saurin ambles through this library for years and then those years turn into decades and then those decades turn to centuries centuries into
(13:50) millenniums I thought this was a short stay a quote short stay in Hell okay time becomes an abstract thought he describes he there's a point where he and a bunch of people are so adamant on trying to just find the limit of this Library so he walks down just one row of the library for 10 years in One Direction never gets to the end of it that's crazy I don't I don't want to read this and then there's another group of people who spend 20 years walking up the stairs to all of the floors they never reach the top at the 20 year mark they
(14:41) were like all right we're I we got to go back down the people in this hell also do very normal human things they start off really really motivated to find their book you know they're excited they're flipping through every day they want to hit a quote of oh I checked this many books that lasts for a few years and then some people start to form communities and band together some people will actually resort to Anarchy and violence it's an Infinity of possibility of what you would do in a situation like that and one day 102 years into saurin
(15:23) stay in hell he meets another person named Rachel I will cut to the Chase and I will just share this quote Have You Ever Loved Someone for a thousand years I would have bet it impossible but that's how long we were together a thousand years we traveled the halls of Hell together I don't remember fighting she was magic nights were wondrous Days full of laughter and long slow conversations we were a team Rachel and I oh I miss her so much I think our love could have lasted forever I'm sure it would have she was so no I won't cheapen it by trying to
(16:13) express it in words and short sentences I loved her that is enough A Thousand Years saurin spends with Rachel happy in love it doesn't even sound like he's in Hell anymore when he's with her there are very few pages the author spends describing this time and as saurin says he doesn't want to cheapen it that's pretty much all we get is just a few pages of them meeting and then this paragraph but tragically saurin and Rachel they get separated basically there's like Antics there's this violent group of anarchists
(16:54) that take control of this section of the library that they're in and in order order to escape Rachel essentially jumps over the ledge of one of the rows and sa gets like knocked out by one of the people so he wakes up after a few days Rachel has fallen he doesn't know where she is wait I have a really quick question yeah can you die you can die but then you wake up the next day like a video game yeah okay okay so he gets knocked out he wakes up a few days later and he's like oh my God I have to [ __ ] find her where is
(17:30) so he too jumps over the railing and he ends up falling for days he's literally just falling days turns into weeks of him just falling traveling at over 120 mph and after a while he kind of finds some way to like get back onto one of the floors and still he never reaches the bottom of this library and yeah he he never finds Rachel again she's lost to this infinity and it becomes yet another thing that saurin spends this endless eternity searching for so that's exactly what he does he never stops looking billions and
(18:18) billions of years he continues the search in this Library so when I first read this book last summer I thought to myself oh I get it hell is hoping you literally have no chance in hell to find what it is you're looking for but yet you keep looking it's when the odds are stacked against you so fervently but you physically cannot give up I was like yeah that sounds right that's [ __ ] hell living in a world where you feel powerless where your hopes and your dreams and your freedoms are taken away from you and you're just waiting for
(19:15) that day for something to happen hoping to be saved hoping to escape I know what it feels like to hold on to hope in times of such deep deep Darkness it makes me feel crazy full-blown dulu because I cannot stop listening to this feeling in my gut that things will turn around and it's hell that I cannot stop but I reread this book very recently and this time around well when I first read the book I didn't actually cry reread the book again still there wasn't like a particular section where I was like sobbing it was really after I
(20:19) had finished it the second time where I thought about it a little bit more and I thought to myself what if instead of focusing on the absolute despair of the circumstances the near impossibility that saurin may never find what he's looking for what if we change the narrative What If instead of Hope feeling like hell hope is our Defiance against hell that that no matter how Bleak it gets no matter how fruitless sauron's efforts are he never ever stops searching for his book for his Rachel hope and love hope and love not even hell could take that from
(21:23) him so maybe there is something to learn from War's quote short stay in Hell in a time that for so many feels like our own personal hell when every day we're bombarded with more terrifying news more autonomy lost more rights endangered let us resist this hell that tries to consume us and dare to Hope and Dare To Love let that be our Revolution it can feel so crazy to Hope crazy to the point of irresponsible but if I can't hope then what do I even have why am I even here what's the point yeah I think you and I and so many
(22:27) people in this country in this world are doing so much mind gymnastics where we want to cling on to this hope and then immediately we feel guilty for not wanting to dwell on the negativity for refusing to accept real ity not acting in whatever way we should be acting that's like part of the hell of all of it right I just feel like hope is that one thing that is that light in all of this Darkness so I cannot let this go nor should you I also think like the fact that saurin spends so much time in hell like
(23:34) just the possibility that he found love in it like it's almost even better than finding the book you know yeah and there's a passage where he talks about how he was with her for a thousand years and that compared to his entire duration in hell just looks like a small little blimp and yet it changed him for eternity those few years that they spent together um spoiler alert can you tell me like does it end with just him still being in hell yeah it ends with him basically falling until he reaches the bottom and it's literally like thousands
(24:30) and thousands of years of him just falling and he finally gets to the bottom of this hell and just continues to search of looking for the book and looking for Rachel but it feels less Bleak because he alludes to this time like yes billions and billions of years to us that just seems unfathomable but the concept of Eternity compared to a billion years he says that at some point he will look back at his time in hell and will consider that a short stay God because of just how endless eternity really is there's so many [ __ ] metaphors I
(25:27) could pull out of my ass about like finding your book and finding your purpose in life and yada yada yada but I I genuinely feel it's one of those books that where you are in your life you'll look at it differently it'll make you think about things differently I just felt like yeah like when I read it over the summer I had this takeaway of 's Hope and then I read it again and decided that it was a different message that resonated with me this time that's beautiful though to see how much you've changed in even that short span of time
(26:09) to be taking something different away yeah and it's funny cuz it sounds crazy that he's just going to keep looking and he's going to keep hoping and I'm sure that's how people feel when we are seemingly delusional with our hope but it's unshakable yeah yeah and I think that all I can really do is help spark that in other people mhm exactly o I feel like I read the book that was [ __ ] heavy yeah it feels heavy but it it's so engaging like again it's only 100 pages I mean every I was that no I know though you just spoke to
(26:54) me for 100 Pages oh my God it's so it's like every page is so intentional about what it's trying to tell you it's there's not a lot of BS not once was I bored and even though it sounds heavy like I was like oh my God I got to keep reading this yeah this is just so interesting 100 Pages or then it just kind of [ __ ] you for 100 years you know yeah so I think it's almost perfect that it ends that way mhm it doesn't end with him finding his book yeah know because this is what it feels like it's not always that ending like this is what it
(27:30) feels like to be suspended in that hope mhm yeah sick dude right that was good love hell love hell that was hella good what the hell all right get me out of this hell okay bit of a pivot sick I don't want to be here yeah if you recall last week she feels like an eternity ago uh I talked about Haley Hendrick the songwriter and how she wants us to throw away our phones and like all that anti- capitalist stuff which I love but I also acknowledge I'm not quite there yet mhm I want to be but sometimes I'm a dumb [ __ ] you know you know can't relate
(28:30) yeah I know it's lonely over here but today I wanted to talk about someone who I really admire because she has one foot planted in this capitalist reality that we're all drowning in okay and then this other foot planted in this idyllic life that kind of feels like a dream so this person is Trinity muan wford you know her m- oh okay well you will so I don't know if you recall one of my favorite Christmas gifts to give I love the brand gold okay it is my favorite superfood Wellness brand they make ceremonial grade
(29:19) matcha and collagen and termeric Latte Blends I know I've been I I've gifted it to you at least once or twice in the past and like superfood masks and stuff okay my personal favorites the cacao turmeric latte blend yeah and the shroom shield gold with an E right gold with an E you [ __ ] know I remember remember yeah okay so I usually just like add it to the frother M with some oat milk mhm and that's it it's so good this is not sponsored by the way I mean you can it could be um but since you know I want to refresh your memory a little bit M so I
(30:01) thought I'd kick us off with a little a little taste test oh my God yes so today I've brought for you a little shroom Shield hell yeah some soy milk since I know that's your preferred milk alternative and my my fro hell yeah so please hold listeners this is a cooking demo this is a cooking [Laughter] demo everyone espresso fror joar wanted me to say oh my God I know I know he wanted me to say that his students got him this when he was a preceptor teaching nursing clinicals mhm and they like H like a bunch of them like had a
(30:44) crush on him oh my God is this necessary to the storyart it's not but you know what I love this thing it's served us well for like 6 years now got it so I got the fro got the soy milk bought this for you it was so hard to find it I was like you don't usually buy I don't drink soy milk um but I did it for you thanks so um I'm doing a little pouring right now wow got my shroom sh gold shom shield everyone again not sponsored but could be um so let me press this button which you can't see on the camera but here
(31:25) I'll show everyone uh I'm about to press press this button right here okay it's going it's twirling um okay you have your choice of mug we have this beautiful ceramic one don't know where it's from this is an Intel Inside mug oh you know what's cool though when when it heats up there are words that like show up Live Laugh Love um no just Intel okay I'm going to not take that one I'm going to take the cuter one okay all right suit yourself all right all right well while that's going this is crazy that'd be interesting you know
(32:09) like it's cute you know yeah we just we do it all we listen we really do it all [ __ ] do it all so we do it all and we do the most you know I guess I could tell you about my sources all right so my sources for today I hope this this froth in the back is is not going to um distract uh most of my background is from a mother magazine feature that was published in April 2023 it was written by Katie hints Zambrano and photographed by Amy suusi and I also have a couple other references but I'll just talk about them
(32:44) when I come across them all right so slowing down you hear it all right I that's good that's good that's good that's good thank you for your service little fror okay try try a little tell me if it needs more M delicious is it good do I need okay okay which one is this one again it's called the shroom Shield let me read the packaging actually yeah we're taking shrooms everyone it's um mushroom cocoa for immunity and mood and the ingredients are coconut milk powder organic cacao bean powder organic cinnamon salt luano
(33:25) fruit which is monk fruit and yeah that's it love it yeah how comforting I know it's uh yeah support your body's defenses with a boost of Rishi and turkey tail mushrooms so yeah it is shrooms onor rainy day like this one I know perfect let me put this [ ] [ ] away and I'll just slurp up all this goodness all my mic like really loud MH all right my CAA context so Trinity musan wford launched gold in 2017 with her now husband eay cobori in their apartment in Brooklyn they were a super tiny brand but they're
(34:01) super like you can see how bright and colorful their packaging is it attracted a lot of attention across different lifestyle stores in like Manhattan and Brooklyn and so they kind of just blew up and in 2019 at 25 years old ancient yeah um what the [ __ ] was I do I I was like what was I doing unemployment again you know truly truly check my LinkedIn um so in 2019 at 25 years old Trinity became the youngest black woman to launch a line at Sephora and then 2020 came what's 2020 pandemic hell hell yeah yeah hell and
(34:46) with the pandemic there were of course a ton of people who wanted to engage in self-care and do things while they were at home so at this point gold was already growing 25 to 75 % month over month but then with the murder of George Floyd in the summer there was this Collective shift towards supporting blackowned businesses so gold sales increased 300% yeah that's crazy yeah and in June 2020 Trinity wrote a Huffington Post article titled this is a very strange time to be a blackowned business and she talks about the struggle of
(35:25) distinguishing the profound versus the performative all of these investors and all these people who didn't give a [ ] about gold suddenly they're like oh we love gold and like you know yeah which [ ] sucks and of course she talks about in that mother magazine feature struggling with imposter syndrome because of it because it was like overnight and so she says I wondered if every good thing that had ever happened to me was just because someone wanted to do a good thing for black people yeah this was such a painful
(35:57) sentiment to me to be at the height of your career in this moment which should be just pure celebration and yet you're grappling with the question of whether this reality happened because of you or to you so it was a really dark time for her when she found out she was pregnant but then through her pregnancy she was finally able to show herself some Grace all right in 2021 still in the pandemic Trinity and her partner eay left the city and moved to Upstate New York where they both grew up actually they also met in I think like
(36:37) kindergarten like me and jar but yeah so they ended up finding a home an hour outside of their hometown of Saratoga Springs and again really idealic life reminiscent of little European towns like less than 2,000 people everyone knows everyone they have their local cafe and their local bookstore and they walk to the farmers market and you can see on her feed on Instagram how much love and care they put into their space they spend all this time like tending to their garden and they've slowly worked on restoring this beautiful home and they
(37:18) have like all this vintage furniture and it's just like this ever evolving entity in their lives side note they actually got married on a farm in Upstate New York when she was 5 weeks postpartum wao yeah and Vogue did a feature on her which I will link in the show notes and she wore a $200 vintage yellow lace dress and her husband sourced his own fabric got his suit specially tailored she didn't wear an ounce of makeup and let me guess radiant [ __ ] radiant but anyway so after the ceremony like she and her husband and her
(37:59) daughter kind of stole away to this quiet corner of the barn and she was just like breastfeeding her daughter um and yeah she's just like I just want to be her like you know so this entire life that she's built is [ __ ] wild when you remember that she's like the co-founder she and her husband like of this brand that's so successful and in the feature on mother magazine she says for the most part I love running a business away from the city it's nice to just be a person to be more than your work most of my neighbors have no idea
(38:30) what I do and honestly don't care we're too busy trading home Garden tips all right so now that I've painted this picture of her life I want to talk a little bit about her Instagram you can imagine how dreamy her feet is but my favorite part about Trinity is that she's an incredible writer she had to like have it all she had to have it all she couldn't just be like no all of this and like maybe doesn't know the difference between you are and you are no no no okay sick God so I try not to scroll on Instagram but
(39:08) whenever I see her post I'm like clear the [ ] after you know like I'm in this clearly afternoon no you know why I say that because once I click on that one post and I read it then I start just scrolling all the way and I just like I read all her stuff U yeah I eat that [ ] up and she does this thing where she like all these artists and creatives can these big feelings with just the simplest sentiments so I cry a lot so I want to share one of those captions today some context within the context in July of
(39:40) 2022 Trinity gave birth to her daughter Ruby natsuko and natsuko means summer child in Japanese and her husband isay is half Japanese half Jewish he grew up in Japan so I was like 8 months deep into trying to get pregnant when I came across this post she announced her pregnancy pretty late it was kind of like a oh I'm pregnant and like we got married at the courthouse kind of thing but since I saw that moment like I was obsessively following you know her pregnancy and so one morning at the end of July right around when I was supposed to get my
(40:21) period I started bleeding and I cried as I did every time my period came during this really honestly really dark time for me and I opened up Instagram and the first thing I saw was Trinity's post about her daughter being born and the caption was she's here and she's perfect and I remember crying so hard like I mean I would cry every month but like crying really really hard thinking like just that's that's all I want that's all I want in this moment I just want to feel that love and just carry it inside me and it was this really strange ju
(40:56) deposition of feeling the love that she has for her daughter and seeing it on the page or I guess seeing it through the screen and then being overwhelmed in my own body for this longing and it was like waiting through the darkness and like seeing this this light like kind of some hope like maybe this is for me but little did I know I was actually pregnant I found it a few days later I got my first ever positive pregnancy test so sorry that was misleading that's not the caption that I was going to talk about but build up so come January 2023
(41:33) I'm on the cusp of my third trimester very pregnant and the reality of my daughter's impending birth is like starting to settle in and I saw this post from Trinity and in this post she talks about her home birthing experience that's kind of the context of why she was posting and navigating that decision to do that as a black woman given the starkly higher black maternal mortality rates which double that of white women but yeah in this Carousel of posts she's sharing the story of giving birth to Ruby and it's it's beautiful so I'm just
(42:10) going to read the whole thing Ruby came to us in high summer the time of humming cicas and tender Stone fruits as her due date approached we saw the Red Buck Moon and thought it was a sign she would be there any day I asked our Midwife if a full moon could help a baby come she said no but a good storm had been known to knock a baby loose with the super moon came an unrelenting Heat Wave our due date came and went eay kept playing the song Always and Forever by Heatwave as we sang along it became an unspoken lullabi
(42:48) and a prayer to her to please come soon to meet us exactly one week after her due date the heat wave broke with a series of rumbling storms labor started that evening I was told to sleep through the contractions which came every 10 to 20 minutes through the night in the early morning we sat in our garden and waited things picked up by 10:00 a.m.
(43:11) through the entire pregnancy I had been extremely eager for the challenge of Labor I expected it to be something like a cross of a shroom trip and a marathon and I'd say that pretty much holds in between contractions I kept asking if she would be here by dinner time I don't really remember this eay and his mom filled up the little birthing pool in our living room labor is usually described as painful but what struck me more was the sheer force of effort I had to use to keep my body relaxed through the contractions and quote get out of the
(43:44) way I worried that I might start to run out of energy to keep up so I leaned into the waves as hard as I could before I saw her face I looked up at EA's streak with happy tears and that's how I knew she was here could hardly get through that this is her Instagram people like but yeah so these images that she conjures it just feels like this lower time like I feel like that could have been in like the 1800s or something just you know in her home with her little family and she talks about these rumbling storms and
(44:20) these heat waves and communing with nature as she's waiting for this miracle and what I love most is when she says before she saw her own daughter's face she saw her partner's face this euphoric reflection of love and awe that's how she knew her daughter had arrived and this affected me so deeply because there are some moments that happen in the blink of an eye and you don't have time to capture it with a photograph so it just lives on in your memory in your heart and this is one of those moments that look of that pure
(44:57) unadulterated Joy flitting across your partner's face in this moment we pay no matter to the hardship that has come the hardship that will follow we just exist in this moment in this miracle that when strung together with all the other Small Miracles of our day-to-day just make up the whole story of our lives and it's you know it's easy to be enamored by Trinity's whole life in Upstate New York and the way she votes herself to leaning into community and living slowly in the face of capitalism on the surface she's pretty much living
(45:35) the dream but we have to remember you know she didn't just fall into that life shaping her reality was and is an act of co-creation you know it's a series of choices that she makes every single day maybe from the outside it looks like supporting local farmers and Mornings in the garden and homemade jam but on the inside it probably just looks like choosing joy every day and relishing these small moments as they unfold most of us probably aren't going to start um what I'm guessing is a multi-million dollar superfood Wellness
(46:18) brand but we all have the capacity to create our reality to some degree and it starts with the one that we we create in our minds the one we build every time we choose to Love and Hope even when it seems Bleak so Trinity if you're listening thank you for using your platform in a way that just kind of cuts through all the noise and stirs something inside of us and you know we're not asking for a sponsorship but we're also not not asking that was gorgeous and that was just one you know like I her whole her whole feed is just like what's the last
(47:08) line of her caption again sorry I'm going to make you reread it um before I saw her face I looked up at eay streaked with happy tears that's how I knew she was here it reminds me of that Beyonce song protector M mhm there's a line in that song where Beyonce says she's singing to her children and she says I first saw your face in your father's gaze why would these women write these like why are you saying that it's so simple it's interesting that with Instagram it's so easy to like create and curate this lifestyle that you are
(47:56) living the the dream mhm but the dream is not accolades or I think the journey that I'm on is unraveling what a dream is for me yeah and it's no longer relishing in material wealth or lavish Lifestyles it's feeling so rich in moments where you are just surrounded by love and peace and hope and hope like that is the dream yeah like I am genuinely genuinely seeking that now you were a dumb [ ] at 25 I was a dumb [ ] at 25 like I was chasing so many wrong things and I'm so glad that I'm not anymore yeah I have so much gratitude for being at
(49:01) this place in my life I mean it took us a while to get here but it feels like I can breathe and exist it's like life feels so much Fuller yeah not only because we are purposely seeking out the things that are more meaningful but because once we have them it's like your heart explodes in a way way that visiting 10 countries and posting about them all day long and racking up Instagram likes will never do I'm probably going to get so much [ __ ] for this but you know like the story highlight of every country that you've
(49:40) been on you know like there was a point where that was kind of what I thought meant a rich and full life that along with all the conventional successes I mean don't take them down I will still look at them if I'm planning a trip in the same country and I need tips don't take them down but I know what you mean though yeah that was what I was chasing yeah that and bunch of other [ __ ] but but now it's like I mean it's I don't think it's that I've completely let go of wanting to succeed but what I pour my heart into
(50:18) now is just how I decide to like spend my energy like being able to sit here and like just talk to you like every week like that's I don't know like that's so that's so beautiful I love do I love doing this with you [ __ ] shut up it's just like it's it's such a wonderful thing and it's like but again it's like it's not that I want to not be successful in it like I'm so proud of us I'm so proud of like we did something that we wanted to do but in the moment like right now like right here like all of that kind of just
(50:53) Falls away and mhm and it's beautiful I know what you mean where it's like how many Doos do we get you know yeah how many sponsor us yeah but when we really think about it this right here is why we do it it's magical mhm funny how we found that in this hell well that was fun what a treat this was really fun I feel like this is this is a good one yeah all right well thank you everyone for tuning in cried a lot cried a lot yeah did you guys cry it's okay if you didn't but yeah thank you everyone for tuning in we
(51:41) really appreciate you being here and giving us this space we love hearing from you so if you have a sob story and you want to share a time that made you cry or you have a recommendation for us you know for content for us to look into we would love to hear from you so you can DM us on Instagram we're on Instagram and Tik Tok beb crying.
(52:09) podcast and you can email us at hello beb crying podcast.com you can submit a forum on our website at beb crying podcast.com and yeah yeah I know that's our typical but but I guess in light of what we had just talked about I guess I just want to close with I know we do ask for rates and reviews and basically tell us how great we are but I think if at the minimum you are listening to our show and you are allowing the words and the messages to resonate with you that is more than enough for us and we're just so appreciative that you are opening
(52:58) your hearts and your ears to our BS yeah all right okay that's it that's it see ya we're a comedy podcast again you just got to really look for it you know but sometimes sometimes okay fine I'll go away you'll go away I'll spend the next week writing a bunch of jokes it's going to be so [ __ ] funny next week all right next week no tears no tears n no no no no because then our whole thesis is uh overthrown okay well we'll see what we pull up Our Sleeve next week we'll see but until then brb crying [Music]
Until next time…brb crying :’)