044: filipino american smithsonian exhibit / fighting with my husband

Written By nins & arns

Arns journeys through Filipino migrant memories at the Smithsonian exhibit How Can You Forget Me: Filipino American Stories. Nins spills the tea on her last fight with her husband and the realizations she came to after they made up.

referenced in this episode:

  • Long story short, I decide to do a past life meditation. And holy [ __ ] he discovered a secret wall. Behind that wall, 26 steamer trunks, each belonging to a different Filipino immigrant bound for America. I want to start with something that is a little bit overdue. This is my birthday gift. This is your birthday gift. Okay. For reference, everyone, her birthday is January 7th.

    This is BRB crying.

    Hello everyone and welcome back to BRB Crying. I'm Arns and I'm Nins. And we are your resonant baddies with another round of saddies. Oh my god. You guys hear that? She She really thought about that, dude. You guys, she showed up today. Just look at me go. Look at you. We are arms and two besties who love to cry. and love to tell each other about it all day long. So, you're welcome for being able to listen in. Yes. If you're new here, welcome. Happy to have you. If you are old here, welcome back. We love you cryb babies. If you haven't had a chance to rate us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, please do so. That really does help our little indie podcast hearts. Spread the good news about this revolutionary podcast to all your friends and family. Follow us on socials at bbebycry.podcast podcast and also email us your Saab stories and your cry recommendations. We love hearing from you. I like that. Revolutionary. It is. We are doing revolutionary work. Are you kidding? The idea that it's actually safe to feel your emotions. Yeah. It's crazy. Take a second to understand like, wait, what is this telling me about myself and the world? Mhm. M and my point of being here. Yeah, it's revolutionary, but it shouldn't be. Yeah, you're right. We are just paving the way to ancient knowledge. Mhm. So, welcome. Hi. How the [ __ ] are you? I'm all right. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right. Okay. Sleep? Okay. Raging headache. Okay. But we're good. Yeah. All right. Yeah. How about you? I'm doing well. Okay. Just got back from a fortnight in Europe. Did you? It's incredible. Tell us where did you go? I'll tell you later. Okay, sure. That's fine. So, um I have actually not really been fighting my jet lag. Mainly because I'm actually going to sleep really early and waking up early. Did you know that if you wake up 5 hours before you have to start work, you actually can do so much before you work? What time are you even waking up? When I first got back, I was waking up at 4:30 a.m. Then I like kind of shifted to like 5 5:30. So, what are we at now? We are at a solid 7 a.m. which is kind of late but like last I would say like that's only been like today and yesterday but before that I was still solidly 6:30 not logging on until 9. So I was like oh my god let me let me go on my walk. Let me like read some of this book. You know it's been nice. Okay. I love that. But but we're back to our old ways. So no I don't know. We'll see how long I can do it. I literally I have not seen midnight in like a month. That's crazy to me, right? Cuz you're usually kind of a night owl. I am. Yeah. Well, people change. It's a new me. Yeah. So, that's what I got. Nice. Love it. I think that's it. I think so, too. All right. So, should we start? I guess we should. I don't know. It just feels like usually it's like go on and on, like get to the story, you know? But like now we're here and I don't know what to do. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess we'll just do the thing that we came here to do. Okay. Here we go. Arms. Y. Lock in. All right. Let's go.

    Okay. Clearly there's a prop for her story today. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Oh my god. All right. All right. All right. So, today I want you to start with something that is a little bit overdue. This is my birthday gift. This is your birthday gift. Okay. Okay. I I did order this in December, I think. Okay. So, so let me just say there was some supply stuff. So, it didn't come It came after your birthday, but then it was like we didn't record. Okay, we haven't recorded in like a long time. Okay. And so so it's April. Happy birthday. For reference, everyone. Her birthday is January 7th. Wow. Okay. Related to your story. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So you can open it and then I'll I'll give the contest after. Okay. This is why I was like I was thinking like did she give me something? Oh, this [  ] didn't give me anything. Ooh, we have you guys, never mind with our stories. This is actually an unboxing podcast now. So, I have been gifted two bags of hemp infused gummies from Deer Flor. Yes. Have you heard of Deer Floor? I have not. Okay. Oh, but also it's like ube Boba and Kami. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Should I take one? No. Do not. No. That would well first of all it would take 90 minutes for you to feel it. So we'd be done recording by then. You would be driving home. Okay. So the uda flavor is supposedly the perfect bite-siz treat before tucking in for a good night's sleep. And the Colaman sea is supposed to help with clarity and focus. So hopefully it can give you like this creative little buzz is what what I've heard. I love this. Thank you, Ar. You're welcome. Man, I want to try one now. But yeah, do not will be self-controlled. We could do like an episode. Oh, that's going to be such a [  ] to edit, dude. Are you kidding? I'm just saying it's just an idea. Um, okay. So, the reason why I wanted to give it to you today is because Dear Floor, as you might be able to tell, is a Filipino-owned cannabis gummy business. So, on their website, it says the brand is named after the founder's aunt. Because after moving to the US, the founder's mom would send these letters to her older sister in the Philippines and she would always start them with dear Floor. So, wait, sorry. The founder's mom. The founder's mom. Yeah. So, the aunt is I see. Yeah. I think Auntie Floring. Okay. Love you, Auntie Flooring. Yeah. Love you, Auntie Flor. Ta. Ta. Um, okay. So, now this is how we segue into my story. Okay. So even if you are not a fan of CBD Gummies listeners, Dear Floor has a really cool newsletter. So they share like personal stories, events happening in the community. And it was through one of these newsletters that I found out about a Smithsonian exhibit centered around Filipino American stories. Okay. So when I read this in January, in my mind I was like, "Huh, the Smithsonian. I'm going to DC in March." It was to watch an Attack on Titan live orchestra, but besides the point. And so on my most recent trip to DC, I went and saw the Smithsonian AsianPacific American Cent's first ever exhibition titled How Can You Forget Me? Filipino American Stories.

    Yep. I'm locking in. Hold on. Lock the [ __ ] in. I'm nervous. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Nah, I mean, yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna read it. I'm just gonna read the story that I wrote instead of predicting how you'll feel. All right. So, in 2005, a man named Tony Samra in Stockton, California, was cleaning out the basement of an old lodge where a bunch of Filipino elderly people lived when he discovered a secret wall in the basement. Behind that wall was 26 steamer trunks, each belonging to a different Filipino immigrant as they boarded a ship bound for America. So, we're going to actually jump right in. We're going to watch a 3 and 1 half minute video called Discovery of the Trunks on the National Museum of American History's YouTube page. But also really quick before I get into that, I want to just quickly reference other sources, the actual exhibit itself, which is open now until November 28th, 2027. So if you find yourselves in DC, please please check it out. And also an article on Rapler titled Landmark Filipino American Exhibit opens at Smithsonian Museum. Okay. So we're just going to we're going to start out by watching this little video.

    Okay. So, in this video, which by the way is the first thing you see when you walk in to the exhibit, it's playing. So, in this video, we get a glimpse of these 26 steamer trunks that at some point in the early 1900s made their way from the Philippines to America. They're very ornately decorated. The interiors are lined with like this quaint floral print. There's like a bunch of compartments. As I was looking at this, I think they featured three of the trunks in the actual exhibit. When I saw it, I was like, "Fuck my little carry-on bag. Bring these back." I'm saying it's I mean, we need the four wheels. Yeah. But other than that, other than that Yeah. But anyway, you know, inside these trunks there are hats, suits, ties, newspaper clippings, letters, black and white photos, and one particularly memorable artifact that they found was in the trunk of a man named Anastasio. It was a pillowcase, and they've showed it briefly in the video. Yellow with age, this lace trimmed pillowcase was embroidered with the words, "How can you forget me?" which is what they titled the exhibit at the Smithsonian. And as for why as for why the trunks were even here in the video, they say when an elder living at the home would pass away, they wouldn't have the heart to throw it out. So they kind of just store them all in the basement. And in the video, Dylan Delvo, who is the executive director of Little Manila Rising, says, "We know that each trunk represents a human being. to other people may have been seen as disposable labor, but for us it could have been our fathers or grandfathers. And now that they're gone to have these last artifacts, I think the only thing left you can do is make sure that their memories aren't erased. And now comes the part where we put on our academic glasses and we explain the very central role Filipino migrant workers played in US history. And this is all for context information that I learned directly from the exhibit. So our story begins in 1898 when the US claimed the Philippines as its territory. So while immigration laws banned most Asians from entering the US, Filipinos were classified as US nationals, meaning they could immigrate pretty easily to the US. Couldn't vote though. But this is why in the early 1900s, droves of Filipinos began migrating. Most of them were young single men and they very largely settled in Stockton, California. Shout the [  ] out. Shout the [  ] out, Stockton. Um, and together they formed this home away from home and they dubbed it Little Manila. Just how many Filipinos came, you ask? Between 1910 and 1930, the Filipino population in California exploded from five people to over 30,000. So, a [  ] ton. They found work mostly as seasonal farm workers, meaning they would be in kind of one place at a time for a couple weeks. But for many of them, Stockton was their home. And as they're traveling, we're always storing their belongings in these good old steamer trunks. one little kind of crazy side story which I know you probably have gleaned from our group chat. Joy and I were walking through this exhibit and we're like we see a name of these people who like donated or whatever and they had like a quote attributed to them and we were like, "Huh, I know someone with that name kind of like jokingly." Then we were like, "Wait, wait." Uh, turns out our friend's dad is the board president of the Filipino American National Historical Society Museum. Shout the shout out to the Mina family. Shout out Shout out uncle. Shout out auntie. We saw your names. You're famous. Shut the [  ] out, Cam. I can say that. Shut the [  ] out, Cam. All right. Okay. So, Filipino population booming. But in 1934, at the height of the Great Depression, the US began to recognize Philippine sovereignty. So, Filipinos went from being very necessary, desired labor to being unwanted immigrants who stole Americans jobs. Huh. That's never happened before. You know, I've just Yeah. Um, and yet, in spite of all the struggle and the racism and all the other hardships they faced, these Filipinos found a way to make the most of their lives. There was a part about like Filipino boxing and the dance halls they'd go to, the beauty pageantss they'd throw. Didn't they say that like at the dance halls the Filipinos just had so much [  ] swag that they were like oh yes stealing all the women because Uh-huh. they're [  ] fly as hell. that let let me continue my story really quick because one of my favorite parts of the entire exhibit was how they emphasized that Filipinos quote groomed themselves with impeccable taste. They'd work all day in the field earning just I think like three cents per asparagus bundle that they picked. And yet they would show up on the dance floor looking, I quote here, this is what I wrote, fly as hell in their tailored, monogrammed three-piece suits, their hats. Um, and yeah, it was just like I felt so much pride. [  ] yeah, Filipino cuties. [  ] yeah. Swagino. Shut the [  ] out. Shut the [  ] out. But I swear to God, I started crying when I saw that part in the exhibit because they earned so little. They had so little and yet they found a way to be proud of everything they did have. Sorry. Also, just to be clear, me and Arn are fullbred 100% Filipinos, so this is like meaningful for me. I'm not just like random ass. I think I'm sure they gleaned. I'm sure. Yeah, I would hope. Okay. I don't know. We got some new Canadians up in here. True. Filipinos. Hi. Okay. Um, but yeah, they had so little and yet they always found a way to be proud of what little they did have. They found a way to hold their heads high and say, "Look at me. See my worth. You think I'm just a farm worker. You think I'm just this lowife immigrant, but I'm so much more than that." So, in this exhibit, they reference that maybe probably a lot of these Filipinos were trying to save face and showcase quote unquote success in the face of their actual economic reality, you know, trying to impress family that they write back home to. They're trying to mask their loneliness. But regardless, it makes me really proud to see that in spite of everything they dealt with, they always continued to put their best selves forward. They never let themselves be reduced to what the world thought of them. Okay, so I guess I should probably mention what the actual exhibit looked like, but I'll link I'll link a video. Um, but yeah, you go through, you see a couple of the artifacts from the trunk and there's just like there's lots of like all this history is kind of on these different panels alongside the actual artifacts. Like the Mina family donated this asparagus hoe that they would use to dig that up. And so there's a lot of stuff like that. But there's one last contextual thing that I want to highlight and it is my boy Larry Leong. He was so central to the migrant farmworkers movement and he's so much less known. But there is an incredible musical about him that came out in the fall of 2024. I think it had like a twoe run and it debuted in San Francisco and it was amazing. I will link that in the show notes. I think you can purchase and listen to the soundtrack, but learned so much about Larry and and I think I told you this, found out that he is from the exact town that my in-laws are from in Pangasan. Wow. So, shout out Pangasan. Shout out to my ilo brethren. But yeah, I just thought that was really really cool that there was a whole portion of this exhibit obviously dedicated to him and his memory. Okay. Okay. Now, why did you cry? Besides the obvious reasons, now that we understand why and how Filipinos came to America in the early 1900s and what their lives in America were like, we can only imagine the heartbreak that they must have felt leaving an entire life behind in the Philippines. and the heartbreak their loved ones probably felt too. We see it especially in the letters. So, in the middle of this exhibit at the Smithsonian, there's this interactive display that shows correspondence between the people who left and the people they left behind. The letters from home are often kind of like I found myself laughing because they were a little bit like expectant like where's my typewriter that you promised you know like and I was like this sounds oddly familiar replace typewriter with iPad exact exactly exactly it just felt so real but another letter from the Philippines reads dear papa and mama it is very painful for us not to meet each other because it is long time ago I have not seen your face. So mama and papa every time I'm always waiting for you because you promise that you will be back home. And another letter that really struck home for me was I inserted a picture of mine in this letter. I hope you won't forget me. Our lives are full of endings and beginnings. the past, the future, the people we were, the people we've become, the people we left behind, the people we have yet to meet. And through it all, there is this lingering sentiment, a hope that you won't be forgotten, that someone loves you enough to remember you. And in that same vein, there's a hope that you yourself won't forget, that you won't forget this chapter in your life's journey. that you won't forget the people who shaped you. That you won't forget this version of you, the way you felt, the way you dreamed, the way you loved. There's a world in which the words, "How can you forget me?" sound a bit wounded, like, "How dare you forget about me?" But to me, this feels very different. These words, "How can you forget me?" feel a little bittersweet and longing and hopeful, but also quietly steady as if they're saying there's no world in which you could forget about me. And to me, that's what this entire exhibit is about. Remembering and through remembering, honoring. Because as small and as insignificant as we might feel sometimes, there is someone somewhere who has forever been changed by us. Maybe it's a Filipino woman hand embroidering a pillowcase for a loved one that says, "How can you forget me?" a pillowcase that she may never see again for a person she may never see again. Or maybe it's a Filipino American woman a whole century later marveling at this pillowcase at a Smithsonian exhibit with tears streaming down her face. But regardless, we all have stories worth remembering. and we all have stories worth telling. So, thank you to the Smithsonian AsianPacific American Center for this incredible exhibit. Thank you to the National Museum of American History in Washington, DC. Thank you to every single person and organization who made this whole thing possible. And of course, thank you. Thank you to the Filipinos whose stories and journeys live on in our hearts. We won't forget you. How powerful. I remember growing up in the Bay Area. I feel like you and I had such a unique upbringing in that our entire town and our school was filled to the brim with kids from immigrant families, most of them from the Philippines. It was such a unique experience growing up in this town where I never felt otherred or I never felt alone. But I do still remember finding it so rare to see anyone that looked like us on TV. Mhm. And any sort of representation from Filipinos was like something that we were so proud about. Yeah. You claim it so hard. You claim it so hard. And it's just incredible to see that within my own lifetime, here we are, I got [  ] Orod on my radio, you know, like, and we have these gorgeous features in these national museums of American history that honor our ancestors. What a powerful thing to feel seen. Mhm. To feel like, oh wow, my people matter. We don't just have to like shy away and try to make as little noise as possible. So, I'm sure that there was a little bit of that, right? Like wanting to assimilate. Mhm. Wanting to, you know, just quietly work our way up. But even then, they couldn't help but be remembered. Mhm. And I love how you broke down the title. How could you forget me? Cuz that was my interpretation, too, cuz it's how can you forget me? How can you forget me? You tend to say like how could you forget me? Yeah. Which is like the could how could you part. Yeah. How can you forget me? It's like there's no way I could. Yeah. Exactly. And I love that. Yeah. It was really really cool. I was like I could cry like after this exhibit, you know, we went to dinner and I was just like crying about the exhibit to Joar and I was like, "Oh my god." Like I Yeah. I feel so seen. Mhm. And like what a gift. What a gift to feel seen and to know that there are millions of people over the next 2 years who are going to filter through this exhibit and see this piece of history. Yeah. Wow. And like I think for you and me, it's become so clear that we can be what we want to see, right? Like we don't have to rely on the National Museum to be like, I think we should feature this story of Filipino migrant workers. We all have the power to continue sharing that story. Right. The agency. Yeah. Or whatever story speaks strongly to you, you can be that voice for someone else. Exactly. Yeah. Shout out. Shout out. [  ] yeah. Filipino cuties. A golden era. I was just thinking about how it's been going so viral. All these people going to Seafood City and just [  ] like, you can't [  ] ignore us, dude. No, but it's true. I mean, even those on a national level, like I saw another video where this like Filipina in London was like in her very British accent. Take me to the Bay Area because what the [  ] is happening there? You and I have not been. What the [  ] Yes. Okay, for everyone listening, we are referencing these parties that have become very popular on social media where a bunch of people will show up, young people will show up to Seafood City, which is a Filipino supermarket chain here in the Bay Area. or not just the Bay Area. They do it in LA, too. Okay. Yeah. So, people will show up to these Seafood City supermarkets at night and there will be a DJ and y'all it's lit as [  ] It's lit. People Yeah. It the fluorescent lights are still on. Yeah. You know how like after a dance when the lights turn on, everyone's like a No, no, no. Not here. Everyone is We demand to be seen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me that spotlight. Damn. I want to go. We should go. I think we should we should really go. Um I would love to. I'll pop a gummy and then we'll head over. Yes, but give it 90 minutes. Give it 90 minutes.

    My story for today really has it all. Okay. We got drama. Mhm. Passion. Ooh. Humor always. That's like a given. Mhm. romance and of course a little woowoo. Oh, okay. You know we need a good woo woo. Yeah, we do. Okay, so I just came back from a glorious European adventure. So Lou and I, Lou, my husband, spent 5 days in posh London indulging in afternoon tea. two days exploring the hauntingly beautiful city of Edinburgh whilst bag pipes played in the background. Then it was off to three magical, blisteringly cold and breathtaking days in the Scottish Highlands, visiting fairy pools and ancient castles. And then for the grand finale, we summited the top of Europe in Grindwald, Switzerland, and then capped it off by enjoying the best fondue I've ever had in my life along the river in Lousern. Is Grindleald the highest point in Europe? There's a mountain that is the highest point in all of Europe. Wow. And I took a little gondola, went up there. Do you know how hard it is to breathe at 12,000 ft above sea level? I can imagine. What's it What did it feel like? It felt like I was breathing, but there was no oxygen entering my body. Um, sorry, that sounds a little horrifying. Yeah, so it was like you would just like walk like 10 paces, but it felt like you had just finished a run. It was crazy. Okay, it's crazy. I'm from the valley. Okay, you guys, I'm from Silicon Valley. I am not used to that [  ] Wow. But yeah, 15 days of gallivanting around Europe, five plane rides, two flight delays, endless trains and tubes, 20,000 steps a day, many of which included pushing and pulling our luggage over cobblestone roads and up and down staircases. Lots of packing and unpacking, fluctuating moods and energy levels, paying for bathrooms, being served tap water in restaurants without ice. Disgusting. And yet, in spite of that, Lou and I did not fight. Not once. Crazy. The most magical part of it all. Actually crazy. Because usually when you go on a trip Mhm. you brace yourself for the inevitable. Mhm. I think surely it's bound to happen sooner or later. There are times when you're traveling when you're [  ] cranky, you're overwhelmed, you're over stimulated, you're not in control. It's just so easy to take it out on the one right next to you. Why not? But alas, after 10 years of international travel together, maybe we unlocked the code, the travel hack of all travel hacks. And here it is. Okay. You just have to prep early. And by early, I mean several centuries and lifetimes in advance. Oh,

    I know you're quite disappointed to hear that Lou and I do not have any tea to share on our lavish vacation, but do you want in on a little secret? Yes, Lou and I do in fact fight. We fight a lot. And I know that I've shared stories on previous episodes about how great my husband is and how much we love each other. That stops today. Okay. Wow. We finally made it. You know what? I'm being [  ] real. Because for my story today, I will tell you about one of our fights which happened just a few weeks before we left and the realizations I came to after we made up. So, to start the story in earnest, let me take us to January of 2026. You kind of already brought us there. I did because I did I brought you to January 7th. Yeah. To celebrate my birthday. But yeah, we are going back to my birthday month, January 2026, where I am screaming, crying, and fighting with my husband in the middle of the Molly Tea parking lot. Oh, I love Molly tea though. Damn. How are you going to do Molly tea like that? Sponsor us. Okay, so in order to unpack this fight, let's lay out that [  ] cook context. Lay it on me. As many of you know, I am gung-ho on a good New Year's resolution. Love a New Year's resolution. I know we talked about this. I am a Capricorn after all. Okay, give me a goal, I'll obsess over it as long as I want to. Mhm. Mine this year was setting time each week to meditate. Now that it's March, we're doing okay. You know, we're doing okay about it. Okay. But that's besides the point because we are still in January. I'm still locked in. All right. So, I'm doing my meditations. I'm committing to my goals. My husband, however, could not give two shits about a New Year's resolution. But ever the annoying pest in our relationship, I was eagerly trying to motivate him to do or pick something. Now, I am sharing all of this with loose permission. I actually read him the story yesterday and he was like, "Wow, okay, no notes." But my husband has been going through the right of passage that every young adult faces at one point or another. The quarter life crisis. Like 90% of most millennial cases, his was largely in part due to his work. And anyone out there listening who works in tech in the Bay Area, I am sure I need not say more. If that is you, my absolute greatest sympathies for you. Stay strong, okay? But anyway, my husband has been working in tech ever since he graduated from college and after over a decade of this now, eventually started to feel really burnt out, really uninspired, and truthfully on constant pins and needles, fearing that he could just get laid off at any moment. It is an exhaustive state of mind to be in. And I could see how hard it was for him to wake up every day hating your job but being so afraid to lose it. Then on a random Thursday in August of 2024, our fears became a reality when Lou came home early from work announcing that he had been let go. And in that moment, I tried to be the most supportive, most encouraging partner I could. We talked about viewing the next 6 months of his unemployment as a healing period, a reentering era. We could take this time to exercise and read, do things for oursel, and be patient and selective for the next opportunity. But I could see the stress start to eat him alive. I would always try to tell him, "Hey, like, babe, we are safe. We'll figure this out together. We have a million backup plans. We have a good safety net underneath us. But when you're in the thick of things, it is so hard to see what is right in front of you." So, it was really hard for him. You know, I'm sure anyone who's experienced unemployment doesn't need me to elaborate further. It just [  ] sucks. It [  ] sucks. But thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, after 6 months of unemployment, Lou finds a new position. And I am so grateful and so relieved for him. But one of the things we talked about was this understanding that the solution to all of his problems wasn't simply just finding another job. That wasn't going to fix everything. Mhm. What really mattered was being able to separate his self-worth from his career. Being able to leave work at work. being able to fully disconnect from the corporate world and enjoy what really matters, experiencing life. But even though he was back to work, I think for my husband, getting out of that mental funk and believing all that I just said was proving to be the biggest challenge. Mhm. Every day he'd come home exhausted, drained, uninterested in doing anything else except decompressing. When you're used to living in a state of perpetual stress, you can't just easily decide to look at the bright side and be like, "Yeah, I'm no longer affected. We're good." It takes an active effort to heal and expand and recalibrate. But also, it just takes time. And I had gone through something very similar to this on my own a few years ago. And I really had to work on my [  ] And so now that I'm a few years past it, walking around like I'm the [  ] expert who knows everything. You are, right? Yeah. Watching Lou go through this himself. I kept finding myself inserting my own unsolicited advice. Oh, maybe you should try this or what if we journaled and what if we, you know, medit, you know, all the things. Oh, I know. Yeah. All the annoying positivity and high energy. And obviously, it was coming from a place of me just wanting to be a really supportive partner and me wanting to help him through it. And for the most part, Lou really has opened himself up to this journey. And we are very open when we talk about it. But there does come a point where I can only do and encourage and support him so much and he has to take the reigns and figure the rest of the way out on his own where he has to want to figure it out on his own. And I also fully recognize that this was causing an imbalance between the two of us because it's like, oh well, I have all the answers, you know, and I think I think Lou was getting more and more jaded with me with work with this healing journey. And I was overcompensating for both of us. It was like the more I could feel Lou pulling away, the more I was reaching out, right? The more I was trying to keep us level, doing more around the house, planning more quality dates between us, whatever, all of it. We all know how this goes. We act like everything's fine. Mhm. For a few months, maybe a passive comment will slip through the cracks here or there, but we're not going to address it. No, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, we we shouldn't then just leave it. H, that's weird. We're like bickering more often. Curious. And again, you just brush it off because it's minor. The issues that we're arguing about aren't anything foundational. So again, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. And then just when you think this is fine for the thousandth time as smoke is billowing its way throughout your entire apartment, one tiny fissure unleashes the pent up resentment that had been quietly brewing this whole time. So now let's head back to that Molly Tea parking lot where we are now yelling our [  ] asses off. Okay. In the car. Outside the car. In the car. I got to ask. It's a small parking lot. It's a really It's tiny. Really hard to find parking there. Because of the fight, honestly could not even tell you. Uh yeah, I just remember that we were annoyed of each other that whole [  ] day. And then he said something [  ] stupid. To which I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Oh my god." And then boom. Right. But our boba is ready. [  ] So we pause our fight. Okay. Lou gets out of the car, picks up our order. He gets back in the car. Resume fight. But at least now I have my jasmine milk tea to sip on in between shots. So good. So [  ] good. Shout the [  ] out, Molly. Shut the [  ] out. So [  ] premium. So good. Oh my god. The little straw, too, so you don't drink too much. Oh my god. We get home and I don't I don't know how you and Jar fight, but for me and Lou, once we have our explosive episode, we then retreat to opposite corners of the house and we just do not talk for the rest of the day. Goodbye. You know, I know that cliche, never go to bed angry, but honestly, [  ] that [  ] I'm going to go to bed as angry as I [  ] want, okay? Because I am not about to force myself to resolve a fight until I fully process the weight of my emotions. I need to let my feelings, especially my anger, wash over me before I can even think about having a productive conversation that addresses the actual issues. Mhm. And I know everyone's different, but this is just how Lou and I both are. So, we don't push it. If we're mad, we just won't [  ] talk until we're ready to sit back down and actually attempt conflict resolution. So Lou and I take the next two days on our own. Oh my god. Sleeping in separate rooms, going to work, not texting each other, coming home, eating separately, like the whole thing. Yeah. I thankfully have therapy and I just vent my little heart out, you know. And then on the evening of the second day, Lou initiates our talk. And by this point, we've both calmed down. And whenever we have these conversations, we actually do let the person talk all the way through without interrupting. So Lou starts the talk and he actually just apologizes for everything. He owns up to everything. I'm sorry that I've been selfishly letting you take on the weight of the household and our relationship. I'm sorry that I haven't been as engaged in our dates or planning for our trips. I mean, like for actually was listening to what I was upset about, acknowledging everything that bothered me, and then he just takes full accountability and says that he understands why I snapped. He apologizes. He says he's going to do better. There aren't any excuses or justifications or deflections. He just says he's sorry. And then I take my time to just finally unload all of the things that were festering in my mind and in my heart. I get it all off my chest and he listens and he accepts what I have to say and then we make up and we move on. But over the next few days, I almost feel a little guilty because in that conversation, I did not take the opportunity to self-reflect and see what I could have done differently. I didn't apologize for anything. And a less evolved version of me would have been like, "Well, yeah, because I didn't [  ] do anything wrong. I'm perfect. It's not my fault." You know what I mean? But whenever I dwelled on everything that happened, I felt almost sad. I was like kind of sad that it was all on Lou to make amends. That he was the only one that needed to change. It didn't sit right with me, but we weren't fighting anymore. So, who am I to open that door up again? It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. So anyway, we move on. We go back to normal. And then a week or so goes by and I remember, oh shoot, it's January. I need to do my weekly meditation. I'm still locked in. Remember? Mhm. So here is where the woo woo comes in. because that week I decide to do a guided past life meditation by Brian Weiss. I've been wanting to do a Brian Weiss meditation. For those of you who don't know, Brian Weiss is an American psychiatrist, hypnotherapist, and author who specializes in past life regression. And he has this viral guided meditation up on YouTube that I'll link in the show notes. But basically, this meditation allows you to recall one of your past lives. I'm not going to get super into this. I know I just like introduced this crazy [  ] topic, but I'm just going to plug an old episode from our podcast because I did cover past life regressions in a previous episode, episode 13. Please look that up if you're even a little bit curious about what a past life regression is. Um, I spent like two weeks writing that story, so like please just do me the honors. And in that episode, she talks about Dr. Michael Newton's book, Journey of Souls. Yeah, it's it's a [  ] good one, everyone. It's a [  ] good one. Listen, [  ] good one. If you're a lifelong crybaby, you already know all about it. But long story short, I decide to do a past life meditation. And holy [  ] Okay, so I do this meditation at home. I lie down on my bed. I put my eye mask on. I put my AirPods on. And I press play on this YouTube video. It's very easy. It's only like 36 minutes. Oh, that's short. It is short. And the first part of this meditation is just getting my mind and body into relaxed state. You know the take a deep breath and imagine that you light is flow. You know all that [  ] You know so you're doing your deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. And then Mr. Brian Weiss asks me to recall memories going further and further back into the past. A memory from I don't know my last birthday. A memory from childhood. And then we get a little a little bit more creative with a memory in the womb. Mhm. until finally a previous life that is meaningful for me to see. And this part is where you kind of just have to have a leap of faith. Okay. Could I have just been making it all up in my mind? Sure. But Arn, I know I do not need to convince you that there is magic in the world. But to any of my skeptics listening, if you have fears or reservations or doubts about this, that's okay. Because at the end of it all, this whole exercise just allowed me to see the world and my life a little differently. So why would I refrain from that? Okay, so here we go. This is what I saw. So, in this past life, I was a girl in my pre-teens living in what felt like Germanyish in the 1400s, like middle ages era, and I distinctly remember looking down at my feet, and my shoes were made up of rags that ended in A long point. Oh, which surprise surprise surprise surprise was substantiated by a postmeditation Google shoes in Germany in 1400s. They're called pulaines apparently. Just just saw it in my mind. Yeah. Anyway, in this lifetime, I lived in the countryside in this drafty house. And I don't know if it was my grandmother or maybe the housekeeper, someone who was taking care of me, but there was this [  ] nasty, mean older lady who was not very nice to me at all. And she was kind of like watching over me. I don't know if my parents were no longer alive, but she was [  ] awful. I did not like her. She did not like me. And in this life, I also had a little brother. And I instantly knew this was Lou. And my biggest concern in this life was protecting Lou from this mean older woman. I felt so responsible to take care of him and protect him. But it's weird because when I was doing this meditation and I was looking back at these memories in my mind, I realized, wait, but the old lady was only ever mean to me. And yet I felt fully responsible to shield my brother. And I think part of it was probably that I felt so out of control in my own life that I resorted to the only thing that I thought I could control. I was so controlling and possessive because I was so obsessed with keeping him safe. And because I shielded him as best I could, I would hinder him being able to play or go out and make friends. And he actually hated me for it. And then this guided meditation was like, "Okay, now recall how you died in this life." And I saw that I had died of old age like warm in my bed. Love that for me. I love that for you. But the meditation was like, "Okay, well, what were your last thoughts before you died?" And on this deathbed, I was sad because I missed my brother. And I was heartbroken because I never knew what became of him. We were no longer in each other's lives because at some point I had loved him so much that it suffocated him and he choose to part ways. And so at the end of this past life regression to wrap up this meditation, you're guided to kind of dwell on the lessons of that life, right? Why were you guided to see that in this moment? And I think at first I was like, damn, that's [  ] sad. Like how heartbreaking that me and Lou ended up that way. like just me longing for him, him forever upset with me. And then obviously I'm thinking about the last fight we had with these same themes. Me feeling compelled to tell Lou how to live his life because I'm so desperately afraid of him getting hurt when maybe I don't need to be. But instead of beating myself up over it, I kind of have this aha moment at the end of this meditation. I realized that with every lifetime, Lou and I are just learning little by little how to love one another better and better. We will always be growing and learning. And luckily for us, we can do it together lifetime after lifetime. We don't have to get it right. We don't have to be perfect at it all the time. We can make mistakes, sometimes the same ones, over and over again. But being on this earth and experiencing life is about opening your heart and soul to the neverending journey towards self-improvement. And I'm so happy and so relieved to know that I still have a long way to go because that just means I still have all the time in the world to fight with my husband.

    Love a woo woo. Mhm. I got so excited when you said it was going to be woo woo. I was like, this is I live for that [  ] I live for that [  ] And I love how you kind of prefaced it by telling our cryb babies, you know, like even if you don't believe this kind of stuff, right? Even if it scares you, it's just another way like why shy away from it. If it can be a tool for you to understand yourself better. Mhm. And I know you said like, "Was I making it up?" you know, no you were not. No, you were not. Like, I love that so much and thank you for sharing that. And thank you, Lou, for being okay with Lynn's sharing that, too, because I know it can be kind of a really vulnerable thing, everything that Lou has been going through. But like what a gift to be able to see how this has played out before and to have the chance to do it again even marginally better this time. Like I mean why else are we here? Yeah. But to be with each other and to love each other better. I mean Yeah. It was like, "Oh, all I'm meant to do in this world is to learn how to love better." Oh my god. Like, what a task. Like, what an incredible task. That's all I have to do on this earth. Mhm. Has Lou ever done the past life regression? Oh, [  ] no. He's scared as [  ] Okay. Okay. I guess I'll just have to rely on your good word. Yeah. What did he think about what you shared if if you don't mind me asking? I mean, he's not really one to get super chatty about that stuff, but I'm going to say he thought it was great, but it's so strange like like obviously I've thought about past lives before and I think the romantic sides of ourselves are like, "Oh, we've been each other's partners before." But when all of a sudden it was like, "No, he's your younger brother." I was like, "That makes perfect sense." Like I've always felt so protective of him. Mhm. You know, oh, Jar and I were definitely siblings before. I mean, I'm I haven't done a specific past life regression where I saw it, but the energy between us sometimes is like I forget he's my partner and I think I'm just one of his sisters. That's like what it feels like sometimes. I don't like that. I but also I know that there have been times where he's also been my dad too. Like I can feel that like it's just it's so like fluid. Yeah. Our identities and our relationship, right? Like Yeah. And like obviously the love looks different, but the themes are still there. Yeah, they're still there. Wow. So yeah, I think it's one. It's great that Lou hasn't written me off for the rest of his life. Yeah. Sounds like we're going to that's stay together. That must have been so sad. I know. I know. What a big regret to die with. But the thing is I was not like heartbroken seeing it play. Like I think I was like I think my soul was like well that's the past. I don't have to hold on to that heartache anymore. Mhm. It's like, okay, look at where we are now. And I think part of my psyche is like really really curious just to know what my past lives are like. And I have done a more thorough extended past life meditation before and that one was like all of this information was coming through. It was a completely different life. But like this time I did feel blockages. Like I couldn't really like make sense of my family dynamic. I couldn't really understand why my brother and I decided to part ways. But I think it was like uh we don't need to dwell on this. Like yeah, it's really cool that you have access to but we do not need to spend a lot of time here. Mhm. Yeah. You're here now. Mhm. Yeah. Wow.

    Don't you love when you do a past life regression and you look up a thing after and you're like, "Okay, yeah, so I didn't [  ] make that [  ] up." Yeah. Like, it's so validating. You know what I mean? I'm not crazy. You're crazy for thinking I'm crazy. Yeah. Like, okay, sure. I just made up [  ] shoes. Shoes that are rags with a point. A point at the end. Crazy. I think the richer people had theirs made of leather, but I was like clearly a peasant living in some [  ] drafty ass house. Verbatum. That's what you said back then, too. Yeah. Yeah. So, Ben, you out there fighting with your husband, just know ain't the first time. It's not going to be the last either. And that's our conclusion today. No, but if you are even a little bit curious, truly go and check out Nin's segment in episode 13. And Brian Weiss, I've heard really incredible things, people feeling safe dropping in, listening to him, so why not try it? Mhm. Yeah. And just see what comes out of it. Yeah. The worst that can happen is nothing happens. Mhm. But maybe you will learn something about something that you're facing in this life. And why not why not give it a shot? And if you feel comfortable enough, we would love to [ __ ] know. Please. And then write us a Saab story. Oh my god. Oh my god. That would be incredible. Please, please, please, please, please, please. If not, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

    Well, there you have it. There you have it. That's what we got for you today. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for being open to what we share. Thank you for taking the time to maybe learn something that you didn't know before. And hopefully you took something away from this. Hopefully you felt a little something. Hopefully you come back for more. There you go. Keep those downloads coming. Keep it coming. I want all of Canada locked in. Yeah. And other countries, too. But Canada, number one fan. Always been. Always been. All right. We'll see you in two weeks. And until then, beer B crane.

    Hey,

    hey, hey.

Until next time…brb crying :’)

nins & arns
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