029: love & zombies / no thoughts, just feels

Written By nins & arns

Arns revels in the post-apocalyptic love story of Bill and Frank in HBO's The Last of Us. Nins comes alive through her watch of Hollywood in Vienna's celebration of composer Alan Menken.

referenced in this episode:


0:00 - Intro
4:58 - Sob story
10:52 - Arns: The Last of Us
33:04 - Nins: Alan Menken & "Colors of the Wind"
52:20 - Outro

summary

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  • (00:00) hi I'm Angela Non I'm Ariana Kempis and this is brb [Music] crying. hello everyone welcome back to brb crying I'm Ariana also known as Arns and I'm Angela also known as Nins and here we are again here we are another cry and Yap session that would have been a great pod title cry and Yap cry and Yap yeah this is a podcast where the two of us dig deep into our souls find something that made us cry and we tell each other about it yeah all in the effort to convince our listeners that crying is great crying is amazing it's

    (00:57) wonderful it's so enlightening it is it's so freeing it is you know yes you're convincing me wow um if you are new here welcome if you're old here welcome back so we're on our third season right now and we wanted to just give everyone a heads up this is our second to last episode of the season so after next week's episode we're going to be taking a little break again if you're new around here we take breaks because we're like anti- capitalist so you know rest is resistance mhm I love that mhm so we'll [ __ ] off after next week but listen you

    (01:39) still got to put up with us for two more hours yeah yep yep yep yep I don't really have any announcements okay that was kind of it sure do you have anything um just that I've been having a really good week yeah well okay listen got a really good haircut last Saturday love it beautiful thank you um Jenny Kim dropped a [ __ ] fir flame album I have been listening to it non-stop for seven days MH it's so it's so good mhm yeah want to shout out a quick song Talk fave yeah I mean I love my girl daa so handlebars I've been listening to that

    (02:25) one specifically all morning yeah I like that one it just makes me feel good yeah yeah the whole album I just feel powerful oo I like that word you know yeah and then I saw my college friends last night I don't personally see them as often well you're you have a podcast so you're just so busy I'm just so busy um not that my friends actually have like two kids and like you know my podcast kids um but yeah it was just so it was so nice to see them like you know they're like oh let's have dinner there for 4 hours oh just like they were like

    (03:02) we're closing but it so good it was just so good to be around people like that like that you just you love and you just care about them so much and it's not like anything happened that's just life goes on and you kind of lose track of each other and then you come back together and it's just like oh what a breath of fresh air that's so special you know what I mean I love that I love friends I love friends I don't know why but like not that I did it this time but it's always like oh I got to go out on Friday and have dinner it's like there's like

    (03:36) this weird annoying like oh my God I have to like shower and well being old is hard and then you go out and you're like oh this is actually the best like I'm so glad driving home I'm so glad I went right yeah yeah yeah the drive there you're like should I cancel is it too late yeah no I feel that yeah oh yeah it was really really nice to see them nice how are you I'm good Joie took a impromptu week off like he called in sick and we spent like the past like week and a half together nice um so it was really nice

    (04:19) just always like hanging out usually when we're around each other for too long like a fight will like w its way in like no this was really good I love that yeah um I was sick as you all know and today is the day where I've only coughed like maybe once or twice let's [ __ ] go dude it's been 2 weeks and we are on the it has not been too it's been 3 months that you've been sick are you talking about yeah it's been crazy um no but I I'm feeling so good the sun is out I woke up today and I was just like I'm in such a good mood

    (04:53) let's ruin it with our yeah yeah yeah let's [ __ ] that up um before we get started I have so story this is from my co-worker Janie shout out Janie a huge fan of the Pod she's been so supportive ever since she found out about us so she sent in a s story and I wanted to want to talk about it today were I'm just going to pull some excerpts from it and what's special about this coworker of mine we were pregnant around the exact same time she gave birth like a couple weeks after me so we kind of went through those stages

    (05:31) of pregnancy our offices were like right next to each other and whenever people would come visit us at work they'd be like something's in the water here like guys are hella pregnant so she she wrote in about reflecting a little bit on motherhood motherhood adjacent I should say so Janie says that as soon as the algorithm knew I was pregnant the majority of my Instagram feed was filled with posts on the plight of the new mom and the warning that rang the loudest to me anyway was that I I would lose myself they tend to say it is instinctual but

    (06:04) let's be honest not every human who has a baby is compelled to sacrifice every ounce of themselves for the benefit of their child me however a deeply empathetic nurturer I knew I was [ __ ] I knew I was going to be the most high strung perfectionist overthinking dedicated mom in the history of the world CU it's just who I am I knew I was going to lose myself and yet I really had no idea what that actually meant until recently what I thought losing myself in motherhood looked like forgetting the last time I showered

    (06:33) hardly ever wearing makeup anymore not caring about stains on my clothing and then she says you'd think I'd have a good sense of it but at the end of November it occurred to me I had not maintained my toes in 3 months basically to the day so considering how long it had been and how terrible doing it myself seemed I decided to treat myself to a pedicure in the days leading up to my pedicure I started thinking about one of my favorite holiday manicures I had back when Paws and Claws was a monthly event for me and I just could not get

    (07:05) them out of my head so I decided to add manicure to my nail salon request which I quickly acknowledged to myself would be the first time I had polish on my nails in 1 and a half years simple math the age of my daughter when the lovely woman was done adorning my hands with a combination of black and red sparkle I have had before I did what we all do after a fresh Manny or set I held out my hand finger stretched at full full attention and looked at my nails I was a struck I was hit with a Confluence of not recognizing my own damn hand and

    (07:38) remembering who I used to be in one big punch I cried I cried because I knew I would lose myself but I didn't know just how damn much and seeing my hands look pretty for the first time in almost 2 years broke my heart because I realized that in loving my daughter so damn much I stopped loving myself enough I wish I could say this epiphany of sorts was enough to make me change my ways and start taking more time or doing more things for me but it hasn't really at least not much I'm still the same Uber committed tired mom convinced that

    (08:11) the time and money I save from neglecting myself is worth it but at least I'm aware of it and at least my nails look pretty thank you Janie for sharing that we all go through something like this you know when we're so dedicated to taking care of someone else it really is so easy it's so easy to Lose Yourself and to be honest when I was going through those early stages of motherhood it was like I didn't give a [ __ ] about anything my instincts kicked in and it was like I'm just trying to keep this child alive and

    (08:43) to hell with everything else and so I know what that's like to kind of come to terms with and then try and find yourself again and like she says you know she's it's she's not back to the plaw and Claws but just having that awareness and just taking that moment like that was a little bit of a meditation that she entered when she was struck by that it was so beautifully written and it's just the way that she described that moment of outstretching her hands and just recognizing who she was before motherhood MH finding glimpses of that

    (09:25) again and then recognizing this whole other version of herself that are existing at the same exact moment that she looked at those nails like that's so beautiful yeah you know life is so fast life is so in yourr face it's so wonderful when we can just take even one second MH and show ourselves that love and feel beautiful yeah it is hard to like treat yourself and find those glimpses but I mean even if it's like the other day I took a shower and I I like turned on the diffuser and I like played some music and I was like wow was it

    (10:08) Jenny but you know what I mean is was like I mean just those little things make me feel a little bit like oh I'm doing something for me again yeah thanks Janie thank you Janie thank you for all your support as well yeah and if you listener have a sob story that you want to write in please please please please email us hello beb crying podcast.

    (10:34) com DM us submit a form on our website beer crying podcast.com and we would love to hear from you mhm forgot to do that in the beginning uh-huh oh that was really good thank [Music] you are you ready I I oh I'm so glad you there was one summer that I spent every day watching SpongeBob really oh my God I was obsessed I think I was eight oh God I never you never got into it I mean I was just so grown yeah you were too cool I guess who was close to TRL honestly that was the trajectory you weren't alone if you had an older

    (11:16) siblings you were 9 years old watching like spring break Real World what was I doing there I should not be in real world Austin right now I'm [ __ ] 11 you know doing there all right so so I've been watching The White Lotus lately me too okay okay I have not started season 3 oh I see I see I've only watched season 3 oh my god well L said I didn't need to watch the other two that's true okay whatever okay so yeah I had like started season 1 and I really liked it a lot and then I for like it was the pandemic and

    (11:53) I was like I got a job yeah and I didn't watch it I didn't pick it up for like 3 years or four years and then like and then I remembered it so I finished that and then I just finished season 2 okay but anyway at the top of the max app when you're watching I saw that the last of us is coming back on April 13 and I was like oh oh yes there was something on the Last of Us that made me and the whole world [ __ ] can I sorry okay what I was planning on talking about that next week really I you know what that's so funny

    (12:29) because I was thinking I wonder when we're ever going to accidentally sink up and talk about the same thing and how would we approach it you know like would we would it be like poporn like you say every other word like what would that look like you know oh yay so have you rewatched it recently no because I was going to do that this weekend Dam you know what I did the work I did the work for you don't even worry about it sorry now I'm [ __ ] for next week yeah just do a personal story it's easy yeah so listeners you probably know

    (12:56) what I'm talking about but I am going to talk about season 1 episode three titled long long time and it was written by craig mean and it's starring Nick Offerman who we lovingly know as Ron Swanson from Parks and recck I know you didn't really you weren't super into it I was [  ] obsessed so so seeing him on the scen I was like I almost shat my pants I was like are you [  ] kidding me um and then Murray Bartlett who I know you haven't watched season one of the White Lotus but he is like the super unhinged like Hotel manager mhm

    (13:30) incredible both incredible all right my sources for today honestly the episode and there's a video I will link it's Nick Offerman winning an me and then there are a couple of other sources but I'll talk about them as I get to them so everyone i' I know you probably watched this episode but if you haven't some CA context so the last of us is a very tasteful post-apocalyptic drama premiered in January 2023 on HBO and it stars Pedro Pascal otherwise known as zatty zatty zatty as Joel sorry yeah he's Joel and um Bella Ramsey is Ellie

    (14:10) this is all based on the video game The Last of Us by Naughty Dog and during the lockdown 5 years ago happy anniversary by the way will I be crucified for that um so Joie was going into work obv he's one of the few people who actually like had to go into work while we were all sitting at home but when he wasn't at work he really got into the video games again cuz he had the time to and one of these games was the last of us we would hear him play upstairs and pretty soon we were like that sounds interesting you

    (14:42) know we're all [ __ ] bored so we start kind of like watching over his shoulder who's we me and joar sisters cuz we were holed up together for like 5 months and pretty soon we were glued to the screen don't play without us watching and we were like the story line was so good unfortunately that means that I Know How It Ends um which I'm just going to stop I'm just going to stop saying anything I'm just going to stop there okay so anyway I won't spoil anything though but I'll keep it pretty high level just because I feel like it's not that

    (15:13) relevant you know yeah but anyway so in this video game there's a pandemic caused by this Mass fungal infection called Corps basically zombies Joel's life has been decimated by the loss of his daughter at the beginning of the show and then this we young child named Ellie comes along Ellie is special because she's immune to the virus and she is probably the key to the vaccine so Joel who is The Smuggler is tasked with bringing her across the country you know they have this really begrudging relationship at first but eventually it

    (15:48) blooms into this semblance of a fatherdaughter relationship great game like I've played it I watched it um but it's an incredibly adapted show and also we just we love a hot dad oh my God he's so the Scruff oh my God all of it it's too much it's too much did I say it was hot in here um but anyway in the midst of all this we are thrown blindsided by this episode about our dear friends Bill and Frank this episode was nominated for a slew of awards what I don't know uh but Nick Offerman want a [ __ ] Emmy for this episode and it has been hailed by a

    (16:36) lot of different sources as basically the best episode on TV in years and also one of the best queer episodes to air ever I also do want to mention that unfortunately bigots do exist and a bunch of homophobic [ __ ] review bombed this episode oh on IMDb yeah yeah yeah yeah jeez I know I know in this article from the gamer it's titled The Last of Us episode 3 review bombed because gays exist the author James Tron says other onear reviews are angry that a gay man met a gay man dubbing it completely unlikely while in the same

    (17:17) breath mentioning a girl who is somehow immune to a virus that has Torn Down the Walls of society as we know it it's fairly obvious what the common threat is across this sudden influx of negative reviews again couple dare it exist and it's so true like I I laughed out loud when I read that I was like yeah are you [ __ ] kidding me like people are like oh no like like so unlikely that a gay man finds a gay man but it's like yeah well this story is about a girl who's the Cure like that's and also zombie like what the like what this is what I

    (17:47) wrote what I want to say is like [  ] [  ] you but also I was thinking about Al just I know and I was like okay they would not want me to be like that so I hope you all find the healing that you are so clearly in need of wonderful I'll tell them [  ] off but you can say that but also yeah [  ] off um all right obviously spoiler alert if you haven't seen this yet ple please please watch this you literally don't have to watch the rest of the show did you watch the rest of the show okay I know some people

    (18:25) literally just watch this episode you don't really have to know much it starts at the 17 minute Mark of episode three like you don't really even have to watch that intro part so it's 2003 bill is a survivalist whose town has been evacuated due to the virus but he successfully stayed hidden in his little bunker so now he has this entire Town's resources at his disposal he's running around he like builds a generator he sets up traps to like kill all the zombies he has free reign unlimited ingredients he's making all these like

    (18:58) Del ious meals he's clearly self-sufficient and it's kind of like living the life but he's also really lonely cuz at the end of the day he's safe but he's alone so fast forward four years later a man named Frank stumbles onto Bill's property and Bill's like obviously really suspicious but Frank somehow convinces Bill to let him inside for a meal and a hot shower and Bill is nervously cooking this incredible meal and he's like serving Frank some wine and Frank is so effusive in his praise and it's like really throwing bill you

    (19:41) know he's hasn't [  ] talked to anyone in four years and suddenly this like handsome man is like oh my God this is the best meal I've ever had but I wanted to show you that scene just to just to give you a little you know little refresher yeah you know I'm so ready I know can I just copy your story for next week I'll just [  ] the listeners would love that no just keep playing um so I just wanted to show you that give you a little taste so you remember what it was what it was like when they first met so the rest is

    (20:18) history and there's a scene I'm definitely going to talk about but I can't yet because I need to save my tears I need to get through the rest of this sure so after that scene of that first meal they share together fast forward to 3 years later they're already bickering like an old married couple as one would presume would happen when you're alone with someone just you two mhm and they're bickering because Frank who is Ever the Romantic wants to fix up the house bill thinks it's a [ __ ] waste of time and resources you know

    (20:52) he's no nonsense but Frank says paying attention to things it's how we show love this is my street too let me love it the way I want to like not even watching it I know just like just like talking about it is just so cheapening of this story I'm already crying just like I'm already crying you just read that why I'm not playing you these scenes uh there's also the strawberry scene I don't know if you remember this one oh yeah we're not going to oh my God yeah yeah we're listener if you have not watched the strawberry scene they're around the

    (21:29) block and Frank surprises bill with some strawberries that he planted presumably a while back cuz they're ripe and you can also assume that they haven't had strawberries this entire time and you know they each pick one and they each take a bite and almost like this childlike giggle erupts from Bill and they are just so Overjoyed at this simple pleasure and [Music] then watching it Bill turns to and he says I was never afraid of where you showed up it's just so heartbreaking because that's really what love is like it gives

    (22:12) us something worth losing yeah anyway so actually never mind I don't want to talk about this anymore it was a lot so I'm going to skip to the end now um we're brought to many many years later 20 years later pretty much and Frank is sick he has limited Mobility he travels around in a wheelchair Bill who was once this non nonsense Gruff man is now watering the plants tending to the house the way Frank used to and Frank is you know he's trying to paint and he's frustrated by his inability to do so so he decides

    (22:50) it's his last day to live Bill devastated can't fathom it refusing and then Frank says you know this life has been hard but I've had more good days with you than anyone else just give me one more good day Bill refuses and Frank says do you love me yes then love me the way I want you to so they set out on Frank's last day they go to the boutique they find themselves some suits they Exchange rings and they get married Frank um this is torture torture um Frank Frank gazes kind of like in that first scene he's kind of like peering

    (23:38) around and gazing at this home that they've built together while Bill brings out one last perfect meal they share this bottle of wine and like that first day Frank tosses his head back in pleasure and then we get to after dinner I'm going to show nins that seen now after dinner Bill hands Frank the wine glass with all of the crushed up meds which is how Frank has requested to die and then Frank realizes that bill has also given himself a glass of wine full of meds enough to kill a horse a bill says I'm old I'm

    (24:26) satisfied and you were my purpose Frank says I should be furious but from an objective point of view it's incredibly romantic and they laugh and then Frank says take me to bed um so this is the end of their story but as you know I have been saving my favorite scene for last and this is a scene from the beginning when they first met after Bill serves Frank this meal Frank and that he's going to leave after he eats but first he absolutely needs to take a look at Bill's piano Frank rages through the piano bench for some sheet music and he bangs

    (25:09) out this really painful rendition of long long time by Linda Ron's dad so bill is like please please stop interrupts him and starts playing instead so I'm going to play this one last scene for us in this scene B singing and playing the song with so much yearning and tenderness and lyrics say love will abide take things in stride sounds like good advice but there's no one at my side and then the lyrics eventually they end with I think I'm going to love you for a long long time and thing is it is clearly more than just any old song to bill so Frank

    (25:57) asks who's this girl you're singing about bill says there is no girl Frank says I know and then they kiss and the way Bill grips Frank he is starving for Frank's touch and he's taking these like shuddering breaths and you know that bill has never experienced a man's touch before and probably thought he would never get to experience it in his lifetime but by some miracle they have found each other and they don't even realize it yet but it will be for a long long time when I rewatched this scene I was like should I just stop here it was like

    (26:49) 20 minutes in but I was sobbing and I think it's just like especially with the whole backdrop of the Apocalypse life can be so Bleak and the whole world could literally be falling apart but all you really need is that one person worth living for yes this is a gay love story and it is the kind of lgbtq representation that we need but at its core it's also this story about the love that we grow into and you know at first it's terrifying but then you kind of like in the scene you take this leap of faith and then over time this love

    (27:35) starts to fill every crevice of your soul until you know one day you look at this person and the life that you've built together and you realize that their love is coursing through your veins they are part of you and they've made this life worth living this is obviously a revolutionary piece of Cinema for so many reasons the stunning performances the queer representation and the fact that they manage all of this with a a zombie apocalypse but it was also so familiar that Rush of falling in love the steadiness of growing into that

    (28:17) love the way that love can look like these sweeping gestures and it can also look like watering their plants for them cooking this delicious meal for to them but mostly this episode was just this beautiful retelling of this ageold truth and that is that Love Changes us that's the whole point in his Emmy acceptance speech Nick Offerman is saying that you know this whole episode this is storytelling as medicine and I love that so much and it is you know these stories break us open and they heal us from the inside out they give us

    (29:05) hope and they also reflect back to us what we already know it really could not matter less who we love and maybe it doesn't even matter so much how we do it all that matters is that we love at all I don't have anything to add I was just going to say that's why ended there because if there's like a piece of media I could just have everyone watch I think this would be up there because the amount that they packed into this hour was phenomenal and I was trying to think about because I hadn't seen it since when it first came out and so I was kind

    (29:51) of already thinking about what I would say about it and I think the thing that I had remembered or the takeaway that I had kept was that this is a time when the world is disastrous and it's so scary and for whatever reason bill was able to take care of every physical need MH and once that's taken care of what is it that's actually worth living for mhm what is it that you actually need be on food and water and shelter you can actually have such a full beautiful life with just one person at your side with fresh

    (30:43) strawberries with a little bit of music that's all you need and you will be so like he said satisfied yeah in that same spe speech his em acceptance speech Nick Offerman said something about how things that we do to take care of each other that's the whole damn point I think what hurts especially about casting Nick Offerman is I feel like every character he plays is exactly like Bill you know it's like Ron Swanson was which you got to think he must be like somewhat typ casted he must be kind of like that you know so it's so to

    (31:26) unearth that tenderness my God it's even more jarring yeah that one really hurt and this came out two years ago so you know the Pod it was still a distant dream to us but I just remember being like Oh my God I feel like I mentally stashed it away it's like we got to [ __ ] yeah talk about this yeah I had it on my list too well I mean yeah I was going to talk about it next week yeah but yeah I'm glad you did cuz that was a lot it was so rough yeah it was so rough yeah well that was beautifully done just now I mean I me

    (32:07) your story of it was beautifully done I had done it chronologically and I was like mm okay Greta Gerwig I no it was more like I just I won't be able to breathe if I start with this scene mhm you didn't even do that like Montage before the last dinner no no no no listen I'm human there's only so much I can do right right right only so much I can handle in these 30 little minutes that I got thank you Craig Mason Nick Offerman Marie partlet for the performance of a lifetime that will live on in my heart forever I'm going to stop now yeah let's

    (32:56) stop it [Music] [  ] me I'm already [  ] up we don't need to add to this is this like a light one what's the vibe um well it's not super heavy okay medium medium it's it's whatever it's whatever okay so last season I covered the Hamilton music mhm which at the time kind of reignited in my household this love for the the theater as my husband and I like to call it we are patrons of the theater mhm anyway one night we were watching YouTube videos of musical performances the classics you know Christen chenowith

    (33:49) idena Menzel for good you know she used to be mine from waitress Ben Platt waving through a window all of it you know and it was kind of like this whole evening where it was just on you know we were kind of like on our phones whatever but it was just on MH and at some point we kind of just let the algorithm go so we weren't actively picking the videos they were just based on this we recommend that and so I'm fully browsing on my phone at this point not really paying attention and then this video pops up that fully stops me in my tracks

    (34:27) MH I look up and I'm just glued to the screen and it genuinely Stills me which is kind of funny because you'll find out in a moment that this is something that I've obviously heard before to be honest the whole world has heard this before and yet this video forced me to experience it in a new way but before I reveal what the video is M I first need to introduce you to a man you have always indirectly known okay and this man is Alan manin no idea you do friend from college no he is one of the most celebrated composers of our

    (35:21) lifetime so sources for today the bio uploaded on Britannica for Alan M a profile song hul did on Alan man and an article uploaded by play bill regarding Alan M couple more sources but I'll reveal that as I hit them still not going to tell you what the video is about because I'm annoying mhm so let me just jump into some very quick context on Alan M's life born in Manhattan in 1949 to two parents who were very much lovers of of Music instilled this in him in a very young age and he decides to go to NYU and he's

    (36:06) like okay well my dad was a dentist so I'll just like study Dentistry fails like just so bad at Dentistry he's like okay fine I'll just study music cuz that's clearly where my heart lies yeah next PATH after Dentistry you know makes sense like a natural yeah progression transfer the credits so from there he finds his way as a music musical theater Lyricist and composer and once he steps into that industry everything just clicks for him he knew the moment that he started that work that this was what he was meant to

    (36:42) do so in 1979 he partners with another incredible playwright Lyricist and Stage director a man named Howard Ashman and truly truly this part parnership between these two men pure magic sometimes you just find that person that brings out the best most creative sides to you and the work you do together is just Transcendent mhm you know yeah you know what I mean yeah about that anyway these two end up creating a musical called Little Shop of Horrors which to this day is one of the most successful off Bradway musicals

    (37:29) ever so their success from Little Shop of Horrors attracted the eye of this like little Animation Studio based in Burbank California called Disney never heard of it and they asked them to compose the score and songs for this indie project that they were working on Indie Disney yeah yeah yeah Little Mermaid yeah yeah yeah okay not sure if you've seen it m so from there Alan man's career skyrockets he and Howard continued to work together on another indie film Beauty and the Beast after that they were in the midst of working on their

    (38:11) next project Aladdin and in the middle of this project tragically Howard Ashman dies at the age of 40 after succumbing to AIDS oh my God it's so so hard there is this document called Howard that's focused on his life and it's it's beautiful but it's just it's life you know mhm and again the magic of their partnership will live on literally forever please we will never not know of the work that they created anyway so Allan continues to add more and more masterpieces to his discography Pocahontas Hunchback of Notre never

    (38:57) heard what I haven't heard anyes Home on the Range Sister Act Tangled I mean Tangled Tangled dang truly like the list does not end what this man has contributed to the world so what on Earth was this video that made me cry it was a 2022 concert entitled Hollywood in Vienna had no idea what this was so I was just watching this video but when I looked into it Hollywood in Vienna is an annual concert and this Fancy Pants music Gala held in the Vienna Concert Hall where they honor the most prestigious film composers of our time and each year

    (39:52) they will present one of these composers with the max Steiner film music Achievement Award and in 2022 the recipient was Alan M then it essentially becomes a concert featuring all of the honore's compositions so as you can imagine this concert was basically this beautiful celebration of these beloved Disney Classics and the rest of Alan mangan's incredible work so I will of course link the video of the entire show in our show notes it's about an hour and a half long but today I am going to focus on just one score and song from the show and

    (40:38) that is the Pocahontas site and song Colors of the Wind oo and it's performed by the ORF Vienna radio Symphony Orchestra Christine aotto and the cantis Novis V chamber choir and this starts at the 44 minute Mark o I can't wait or maybe I can okay a lot to unpack here I think I just want to start off with my immediate reactions to this before I really dissect it so when you watch this video you have this Orchestra playing the score and it's music that you feel you've known your whole life it is music you've known your whole life it's so

    (41:40) familiar and yet when you watch this live Symphony it's like you're experiencing it for the first time and obviously that's because when we watch movies we are so transfixed by the vision visuals and the storyline that the music kind of falls to the Wayside it's meant to enhance the movie not the other way around but here in this setting the music is the focal point you are only focusing on that and you realize oh my God this score is hauntingly beautiful the score then trans itions to the universally known song Colors of the

    (42:31) Wind and it's sung by Christine alot who is a Filipino British classically trained singer and has been in a bunch of musicals in the Heights Hamilton and Prince of Egypt just to name a few and she sings this song beautifully and also she's just [ __ ] beautiful but it's really the finale of this suet that really gets me stopped me dead in my tracks this is where I cried because this is when the orchestra and the Chamber choir come in and there are so many musicians and instruments working together that you're not focused on one

    (43:20) individual as you were when Christina Lotto did her performance you just become fully immersed in this epic incredible overwhelmingly powerful performance of this beautiful score and I just felt so overcome with emotion and felt it in my soul so deeply that I couldn't help but cry it's just overwhelming what these sounds stirred Within Me mhm and so all those months ago as I'm sitting there crying an in L my mind is like oh I could talk about this on the Pod but then I got kind of in my head for a bit I want to take a step back and

    (44:09) pause here for a second because I cannot mention the movie Pocahontas without also acknowledging the widely inaccurate historical depiction of Pocahontas and her life and the criticisms that indigenous people rightfully have for this story I think we all know that the real story of Pocahontas is a far cry from this romanticized love story between this girl and a white colonizer MH even so I think that we can all recognize that while not perfect this was pushing the boundaries for the time and expanding Disney's representation of

    (44:54) these diverse stories and when you listen to the score and all of these purposeful elements of the music the drums the wind instruments the vocal Arrangements even the chord progressions it's clearly evident how much Alan manin wanted this soundtrack to be an homage to traditional indigenous music MH so here I am trying to do all this mental gymnastics researching trying to J me wanting to talk about this segment and then I realized wait a second why am I going down this Rabbit Hole why am I refraining from talking

    (45:41) about this because if I solely think about why in that moment I was moved to tears if I'm being honest with you it had nothing to do with the plot of the movie I wasn't thinking about a tragic love story transcending cultures or language barriers to be honest in that moment when that music overwhelmed me I wasn't thinking about anything I was I was only feeling feeling the magic of the symphony feeling in awe of this art and this whole experience watching this video all the thought exercises and second guessing

    (46:30) myself it made me wonder how many times in my life have I let my brain distract me from what I was truly feeling from experiencing the world in its rawest form purely through my senses because I am always trying to rationalize apply logic to make make sense of to skirt around mistakes or I just let my mind run so fast that I end up missing the point entirely which is that we are here to feel what it's like to be alive to experience the world and allow ourselves to be moved by it we live here on Earth not inside our

    (47:28) heads so yes today my story is about a man named Alan manin who composed so many beloved Disney Classics that were then performed at this Gala celebrating his lifetime achievements that's what my logical brain would say but if you were to ask my heart it would tell you that what made me cry this time was just another moment I allowed myself to fully experience being alive that was beautiful um am I on my third tissue today my short sleeves are soaked I mean I cried from the beginning there's something about live music I

    (48:17) think it's exactly what you're saying it stirs within you these feelings but especially at the end when their voices swell and what's interesting is that their voices aren't even singing lyrics it's just the melody mhm there's no words you don't need words at that point oh no that was so beautiful everything you shared after especially we are so in our heads about it and I get the same way too when we're thinking about things to talk about on the Pod I'll come across something and I'm immediately like oh like I I could

    (48:56) say this and this C the story in my head but just those moments when you really let it wash over you and give into it give into it you don't even know why and that's okay you just feel it in you and that's that's enough you really do feel most alive you know it's hard like sometimes just try not to get canceled you know exactly exactly and I know that us being you know academics we joke about that but I really do think that the context that we want to provide and the full story that we try and lay out for our listeners that's important to us too

    (49:46) right like when we're trying to write these stories but when it comes down to it like it's just it just made you feel it made you feel some kind of way and that's all that should matter M yeah and I noticed that when I was watching this obviously I had to watch it many times to put the story together and when Christina Lotto is singing Beautiful no notes right but my mind when she's singing I'm so focused on her again focused on a visual that I'm like oh her dress is really nice like oh is she Filipino literally I was

    (50:22) like she looks fipo oh like you know oh I get it her dress is like Pocahontas's dress oh her earrings know my mind is running and I'm again not focused I'm in my head P out it pulls you out and then when the finale strikes and there's so many people so many instruments that you can't focus on one particular thing anymore you're forced to just be you're forced to just feel and you can't think about anything else yeah it was such a powerful contrast between the song and then the symphony mhm yeah and I was like there

    (51:03) you go again here I am in my head not being present and not just feeling purely feeling yeah what a great reminder for me too you know when I was writing my story I found myself like typing as I was writing you know versus the first time I ever watched that episode of The Last of Us where I was just like wo yeah could not even process it did not even have time to process because I was so overwhelmed with emotion but I do tend to just kind of like oh yeah let me like I want to make sure to get this part but like dude

    (51:37) what's the point like that's not why we're here mhm I mean I guess we are kind of here but like a little here on Earth yeah here on Earth yeah yeah and especially if that's what we want everyone else to be doing too like wow like what an example mhm damn yeah I knew my mood was going to be [ __ ] up after this no I feel I feel good though like I feel I could cry again I feel so grateful to be reminded of that like we're just here nothing else matters when we feel we feel we just feel all right everyone well that was

    (52:21) our comedy podcast as you can see it's hilarious um but truly th thank you all for listening we really appreciate lending us your ears every single week if you enjoyed this we wouldn't hate it if you left us a little review Apple Spotify uh hit us up follow us on Instagram Tik Tok at beb crying. podcast send us a sof story send us a cry recommendation tell your friends tell your friends tell your mom tell your sister listen I want you to enter as many emails as you can in the two field before you exceed the maximum number of

    (53:02) recipients put them all in a group chat one group chat with everyone you know it doesn't matter if they know each other it's okay yeah anyway thank you for being here with us thank you for feeling here with us mhm that's what we got today that's all we got I'm going to go dry These Eyes holy [ __ ] yeah I'll take a hair dryer and just do a little that all right all right that's a wrap for this week we'll see you again next week hear you again yeah uh speak to you share with you talk to you again talk to you but until then you're be crying

    (53:46) [Music]

Until next time…brb crying :’)

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