019: election reflection
In a departure from their usual BS, Nins & Arns reflect on last week's presidential election, despair & hope, and how we move forward.
referenced in this episode:
poem "daughter" by catarine hancock (@catarinehancock)
0:00 - intro
0:48 - not our usual episode
3:35 - nins' reaction: despair & hope
17:43 - arns' reaction: how we move forward
25:20 - outro
summary
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(00:00) hi I'm Angela Non, I'm Ariana Kempis and this is brb [Music] crying hello everyone welcome back to brb crying my name is Ariana also known as Arns and I'm Angela also known as Nins and as we know this is a podcast where we talk about things that make us cry we sit here with our emotions we look them dead in the face we try to understand them and we don't shy away from them and for so many of us there have been a lot of emotions in this past week and so because of this today's episode is going to look a little different
(01:01) today we're going to talk about something that's been weighing very heavily on our minds and on the minds of millions and that is the election we mentioned in the past that we pre-record our episodes and so we did have something lined up but it didn't feel right to publish it and so instead we decided to record this episode and we won't be sharing our usual stories as we do we won't be spewing our usual BS instead we're going to going to be reflecting on all the thoughts and the feelings that we've been having since
(01:38) election night so it's not going to be the usual laughs it might not be the usual cathartic cry session but we hope you'll still tune in and if you know anything about us our thesis is all about holding space for our feelings and helping us connect with ourselves and each other we are very deeply rooted in community on this pod and Collective Liberation is something that we consider to be a core tenant of community yeah yeah 100% from the start Arn and I set out to create this podcast and build this community so that people
(02:23) like us who were interested and dedicated to understanding the emotional parts of themselves would have a safe place to do that in the comfort of their two friends laughing and crying together along the way this past week with these election results there hasn't been much to laugh about but we know how important it is to not feel alone so to all of our listeners thank you for for giving Arns and me the space to sit here with you to process this news with you to mourn and grieve and worry together and we hope that even though
(03:13) this episode is a little out of structure and I don't know we'll probably be all over the place in spite of everything happening in this space on this couch we hope you feel safe here with us okay so um I don't really know how to transition I guess I just wanted to share kind of how I was feeling in this past week I know that what I'm going to say is isn't something that hasn't been said by literally millions of people already who are much more eloquent who are much more well researched but I guess just to bring us
(03:56) back leading into the night of the lection and like all of this campaigning that had been happening for the past year I just felt so calm about everything I think it was because I still felt so exhausted from what we had gone through in 2020 and it just sucked out all of this energy from us all of this anxiety of not knowing if things were going to be changing for the better and maybe it was me living in my own bubble and being exposed to my own Echo chamber and surrounding myself with like-minded people but I genuinely felt like there
(04:43) wasn't any reason to worry about this election MH I was like KLA Harris is a shoe and why would I even need to give any more ounce of my energy to this despicable person who is creating such division in this country there's no way he's going to win there's no reason for me to even worry about it but as Tuesday night rolled in when that red Mirage wasn't going away the Doom started settling in the anxiety started kicking in and that was the first time I really allowed myself to even dwell on the possibility that we
(05:22) could be going back to this and not only that but knowing that the Republican majorities were also taking over the Senate and the Congress I really started to fear and I eventually went to bed at around 1:00 a.m. on Tuesday woke up a couple hours later I think this was a collective experience that I'm hearing so many women have had they woke up in the weat hours of the morning and they just knew they just knew and we were so afraid to reach for our phones we just had an inkling mhm and once I finally did reach for my phone and confirm what
(06:08) I had already known I no words to describe how awful that moment was and there was a genuine fear about what this country would come to and I just sat there in my bed I didn't have to log on to work for a couple of hours and so I just cried and cried and cried it didn't seem real it didn't seem right and again we're recording this the Sunday after the election so if your for you page on Tik Tok looks anything like ARs and mine does and you're seeing people start to speculate or you're tuning into I don't know the astrology
(06:59) of everything who knows you may still be holding out hope that things could change that this isn't the end of the story and me and arn are absolutely right there with you we are hoping just as hard as you but I do have something that I wanted to share from this week that stood out to me I mean aside from obviously the entire [ __ ] show that is happening right now in the United States because I think that even though we are still holding out hope for what could happen what we all collectively felt on Wednesday was
(07:46) real it was real those feelings of deep sadness and of genuine fear and if there's anything that you and I have come back to time and time again it's that we need to feel our feelings and we need to understand what it is our feelings are trying to tell us so I was crying on and off the entire day on Wednesday thank God I was working from home and thank God I only had two Zoom meetings that day camera off obviously but when I didn't have anything immediate to do I was definitely Doom scrolling MH I looked back at my screen time I was on Tik Tok
(08:32) for seven hours that crazy but during all this Doom squirreling I came across a poem written by Karine Hancock she is a poet writer and opera singer based in Chicago and on the Wednesday following the 2024 elections she posted a Tik Tok of her poem called daughter so I'm going to give arens a copy of that poem and we're going to read it here together Daughter by Karine Hancock today I think of juniper I picked the name out years ago Juniper felt closer as of late only 5 years now I thought maybe six oh how I dreamed of my little girl
(09:37) my Juniper Evergreen enduring strength Beauty Juniper would inherit a broken country and a boiling Planet Juniper who might have met death from a Smoking Gun Barrel Juniper who would be born with fewer rights than me her mother Juniper who now may never be born at all I don't think I need to dissect the [ __ ] out of this poem I I think it speaks for itself and of course all the comments on this Tech talk are of all these other women sharing the names that they've picked out for their own daughters your Juniper my
(10:34) Ren my Vienna my sweet Iris and this is the one that completely broke me on Wednesday in spite I mean I was already wrecked but this one really just put me over the edge Because deep down it was the same fear and the same thoughts that were running through my own mind and I know I've shared before my uncertainty when it comes to having children taking on motherhood and I still grapple with this decision literally daily even on a good day a wonderful day it plagues me the not knowing if I want it but when I woke up on Wednesday and I
(11:33) thought about how this President elect could forever change the landscape of women's rights in this country I feared for not only my life but the life of this hypothetical child and I realized that what was plaguing me in that moment it wasn't not knowing if I wanted it but it was no knowing for certain how dangerous it would be if I did and at breakfast even before I saw this Tik Tok I turned to Lou and I told him I know that you and I would be really good parents but maybe we would be even better parents if we didn't bring our
(12:26) children into this and I'm just I'm just so devastated that these are the thoughts and the conversations we are now having to face and listen I am so aware that it is a privilege to only be fearing these things now that for so many women across the world spanning centuries have faced least similar or Worse consequences and are still able to bring forth love and magic and joy through their children and they will always continue to find a way to do so I know that but I just hold so dearly in my heart all of these women that
(13:24) feel as I do this pain and this fear is real and it must be felt and there's not really much I have else to add to that if I can only offer the fact that I am here with you and I'm feeling these things alongside with you but maybe after a while when we're ready we do what all the women before us said done we let it ignite us to keep going to keep pushing to keep dreaming I think like you I was so sure of how all this was going to turn out I also have been existing in this little bubble where I haven't really had to
(14:25) confront the idea of what it would look like to live in a country where Women's Rights and the rights of so many marginalized people are Stripped Away because it just wasn't a possibility in my mind and I still am holding on to that hope I think my mind almost can't wrap itself around that reality like I don't even want to it's just it's [ __ ] terrifying it doesn't feel real it's like you and I will cling on to this hope for as long as we can because the alternative it's it's unfathomable unfathomable is a great word and I don't
(15:17) I'm grateful that there's no one in my immediate family who I've had to have these really tough conversations with but that's something that stood out to me a lot in the days since the election so many people sharing there was like this one thread that was like I'm showing you all the screenshots of this text conversation that I had to have with my dad in case you need guidance on how to also communicate the fact that you can no longer have a relationship with these people who raised you because if they really cared about you they wouldn't
(15:54) Vote for This misogynistic clown of a man and the thread was like so many people being like I'm here with you and the conversations are like the parents saying can't we just leave politics off the table for once can't we just let go we raised you and how could you do this to us and it's like well how could you do this to me how could you do this to yeah future Generations this isn't just that and I've told you and I love you but I can't forgive you and it's just really heartbreaking yeah it's like we've talked about this before like
(16:38) how these new generations of parents are so sensitive to the fact that everything that they do has lifelong implications to this child that they're bringing into this world I'm obviously devastated that this is what we're all having to Grapple with but it makes me I don't want to say the word proud but I'm just like marveling at the fact that all of these women are even questioning this decision because of what would ultimately be the best scenario for this hypothetical child like I think that shows so much growth
(17:32) and I think that shows so much more awareness and I'm just I think it's just an honor to be alongside these women yeah I think that I am proud no I think that's a great word to use I'm proud of in spite of what feels like so many setbacks and one step forward two steps back the collective growth I know we keep seeing that word divine feminine that Uprising mhm and I see it and I feel it and at the same time I felt that a lot for myself and in my own personal life and how how I've grown into myself with all that said I think think that there's been
(18:30) such a cultural shift towards taking care of me and my own that while inspiring it's come at the expense in my own life at least I'm speaking from the eye it's come at the expense of disregarding my own community and I always think to myself well what's best for me what's best for my family and we're so big on growing Community we talked about this at the beginning of the episode too this community of crybabies and reaching out to people and how it feels so good to connect and yet I don't even talk to my own neighbors there are literal people
(19:13) around me there is a community that I exist in where I'm kind of like no I'm good it's like a selective participation and this is the fire that was lit under me on Wednesday and you were texting me and you had like all the sorrow and grief I think I realize I've learned this through therapy my form of processing is just sitting down and being like okay well let me just gather all the knowledge that I can gather and let me just think about all the ways that I can move forward like how do we yeah what do we do now yeah I did
(19:45) noticed that too well I noticed I mean obviously you and I are the same person in so many ways but I did notice that you and I handle situations like that very differently I am definitely one that has to sit with my emotions and let it still me for as long as it needs to before I can do anything and like 6:00 a.m.
(20:09) you were already like boom boom boom research rech you know like yeah yeah and it's almost like a trauma response well I mean I I don't want to call it that because I don't think there is any right way to do it oh totally not so I don't even want to put like a negative spin on either of our approaches because it's it's what we have to do yeah yeah and I'm I'm grateful that we know this mhm and we can honor yes we can honor it mhm yeah I think it it is interesting to see how people responded on Wednesday yeah yeah so I was in that camp of like yeah I had
(20:44) to check myself I had to be like okay I need to hold space for the grief that I know everyone around me is feeling instead of trying to be like all right like here this is what we need to do yeah [ ] chill no no no at 8:00 p.m. I was like wow I really need to like get up complete opposite no yeah yeah I was yeah so I say this because regardless of how this election was going to turn out Tuesday night Wednesday morning was this jolt of realization for me that we can all give a little bit more of a [ ] about each other this entire two-party
(21:21) system [ ] we would be lying to ourselves if we said that everything was going to be perfectly fine under KLA Harris and again that's where I bring in being in my own little bubble I I feel what you're saying there there are marginalized groups whose immediate rights and safety would have been stripped of course immediately under a fire right government but even under KLA Harris there would still be genocide homelessness would still be prolific and healthare is still so [ ] there would still be mask incarceration and overp
(21:57) policing of black folks Wednesday morning when I looked at my phone what you were saying about waking up in the middle of the night not wanting to check knowing what we I totally felt that too and so I mean regardless of who is going to win we have to ask ourselves if our own elected government officials aren't really truly going to take care of us then who the [ __ ] is and the answer is us we have to take care of each each other we have to lean into community and not just this cute fun community of people that we're
(22:38) cultivating online of people who are like-minded I don't really think community means being able to sit and pick and choose who you want to be in your little group MH and so I think we all just needed to give more of a [ __ ] about each other and it doesn't have to be these Grand sweeping gestures I think that at least what I see on my own feeds is a lot of the more radical you know anarchists kind of like well we need to do all these things to dismantle the government as it is which yes I would love to have you know a
(23:11) viable third party but I think personally I just know that we are so far off from that as much as I would love for that to be the reality it's not and so I think this is a great opportunity for us to ask ourselves like what can we do what can we do for each other and again because I just I got to do the things I can't just [ __ ] sit there MH one of the first things I did was I went on my buy nothing group I don't know if you're in a buy nothing group I mean I know what it is but yeah yeah yeah but those are little instances
(23:43) of mutual aid for instance right we like okay this is how we can take care of each other without you know succumbing to capitalism and so I saw a post that was like does anyone have extra Halloween candy because I give out Halloween candy to my students as prizes and I was like yeah we had [ __ ] buckets and so I coordinated this drop off I went to this girl's house just 5 minutes from me and she said do you want any plants do you want Rosemary like I can totally cut you some and I was like I would love some like that's really
(24:14) nice and so we had this little exchange and I've been putting Rosemary like on my [ ] chicken and when I do it I'm like like it sounds so simple but like it feels so good to take care of each other that way and I think that that was the fire that was lit under me when this all happened like oh I can really do more to take care of the people around me not just me and my own mhm yeah and I know that when it comes to small gestures like that or small actions a lot of pessimists myself included will think well what the [ ]
(24:56) is that going to do it does something and just because it's not going to have big sweeping fundamental changes to our country that doesn't mean that it doesn't change you somehow I appreciate you telling me that story for the reminder because it's so easy to think oh I don't have any power mhm well to be honest we don't really know how to end this episode I just want to thank everyone for listening to us I know that this can often be uncomfortable people want to skirt around this but if there's anything I've learned over the past two seasons of
(25:42) this pod it's we don't we don't skirt around the uncomfortable and I'm hoping that you all listening to have given yourselves the chance to sit with everything you're feeling and honor the way that you process those feelings I hope we can all just keep taking care of each other this way and in whatever way you can yeah again you know that this was kind of a unusual episode for us but there was no way that you and I were not going to acknowledge this and the way that all of us are feeling right now so thank you for giving us the space and sitting here
(26:28) with us next week we'll come back with our last episode for our second season if we sound chipper remember it was pre-recorded so I know we usually close out by telling everyone to rate review subscribe stop stories all of that and sure you can do that if you want but if you even just want to email us message us DM us about how you've been feeling through all of this that is a space we will hold for you too so we welcome you to reach out I think that's it for now yeah so we're going to go away we're going to keep sitting here with our
(27:08) feelings and then we'll be back next week we will so until then brb crying [Music]
Until next time…brb crying :’)